Wednesday, November 30, 2011

All grown up at 8!



Well, I don't remember what was my 'level' of thinking at 8. All I recall is that I loved playing the mundane ghar-ghar games, hopscotch, painting/colouring etc... The thought of 'boys' didn't cross my head till I turned 15...

I do remember my youngest brother's thinking at 8. Being 8 years junior to me meant that we had a generation gap between us. I remember in class III he had crushes, but nothing serious. But then that was over twenty years ago...

At 8, my son has been volunteering pieces of information on a daily basis on several sundry topics, some which I find uproariously funny, others which leave me zapped.

For one he has begun resenting a hug before boarding his school bus in the morning or a kiss that I'd like to give him just any where. He retorts: "Don't hug me/kiss me in public. I don't like it!!!"
Now that it has been established that he is embarrassed by it, the daughter will hug and kiss him to piss him off every available opportunity, in public! *sigh*

Last night as we discussed a probable vacation spot he candidly said, "When we go to Goa I won't get out of the room. I don't want to go to the beach because of the women in bikinis."
Daughter: "Maa, just look at this boy! Just 8 years old, look how he talks!!!"
Me: "At 8 you don't like girls. Wait till you're 15 when you will want to stay at the beach only" *devilish laugh*
Son: "We'll see about that!"

Over the past few months, his conversations have been getting increasingly candid - like the one about How hot you are - or - About Gay.

While I was amazed that he knew about bikinis, I also knew that he was telling me exactly what was going on in his mind. As he grows up, the one thing I am happy about is that we communicate. That I guess is the only 'upside' to these inputs...and the humour of course!

Joy of Giving - Week 12 - Card 12

Its been three months....well, almost... since I posted the first Joy of Giving card.
This week the card is a tad tough. 






It is not easy to be friendly with strangers in our country. We are vary of strangers smiling at us (I am talking from a woman's perspective), especially when the stranger happens to be a man, and often have to respond with a scowl (because frankly, you just DON'T know what is going on in his mind). 


Many times I've had a bad experience when I've been just cordial with a stranger too. You can read about one such experience here...


But, since it IS the Joy of Giving, I am going to attempt this one. I will start with the public place I am comfortable with. Either the mall near my locality or the CCD... I still haven't decided upon what quotes I will use, but will share it when I create my doc.


Hope all of you will also join in and spread the joy :-)


To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. 


To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past twelve weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...



Monday, November 28, 2011

Joy of Giving - Gratitude Diary - Jae


My friend Jae Rajesh shared his Gratitude Diary with us on FaceBook. I am sharing it here with his permission.

When I was prompted to record my gratitude, as an exercise in the ‘Joy of Giving’, my mind was overloaded with a flurry of thoughts of different people, different times, and different places. And the one thing that gives me the most discomfort is disorder, may be a side effect of the times I spent in a regimented life. My mind was a total mess of memories crisscrossing with no connection with each other. I needed give some kind of an order or index to my thoughts. How do I prioritise them, give them the correct due? In terms of importance and value, each has been of equal relevance to me. Therefore, I decided I’ll do it the way my life happened…in a brief summary.

I want to convey my gratitude to:

Early years
My parents, for the pampering I received as a toddler (can’t remember before that), being the youngest of five relatively older siblings. I don’t recollect a single moment of unhappiness during those years or anything that I was denied that I really craved for (except for the occasional ‘Fanta’ which used to be my constant demand during any outing)

My mother, for teaching me to read and write Malayalam before I even started school (I used to read the weekly episodes of novels from weeklies, as she went about her household chores), and ensured I got admission into one of the best schools of the time.

My maternal Grandmother and Great Grandmother, for instilling in me my cultural values, teaching ‘Ramayana’, ‘Mahabharatha’ and scores of other stories, told and repeatedly told. (Even as a small kid, I knew all about the problems of keeping more than one wife or husband)

My siblings, my sister and brothers, for the unlimited affection and partiality shown to me as the youngest, for letting me win when I’m losing and bearing with my tantrums when they didn’t. Teaching me the alphabets and words and reading the clock, as I was preparing to join school, with no formal preschool learning.
My father, for gifting the environment of a happy childhood.

School years
To my teachers, especially Mrs Rodrigues from the primary years, who taught me the Queen’s English as my English Teacher (and almost succeeded in removing my ‘mallu’ accent) and subsequently groomed me to be a leader at a very early age, giving me the confidence for a life time.

To my school friends, who to this day, remain as close and loyal, for the happy and rollicking time I had in my schooling years.

To my Scout Masters, for instilling in me a love of the sea and everything associated, which eventually led me to join the Navy.

Early Adulthood
To my course mates, my brothers-in-arms, for helping me endure and enjoy the rigors of the training days and giving me a new family to be a part of.

My Physical Training Instructor at the Academy, then POPTI B Singh, who taught me to swim. (Well, at least not drown)

And the long list of various other instructors and seniors who went through personal discomfort to impart me real education on leading men and serving the nation.

Adulthood
To my wife, for the wonders of the courtship days, for loving me with all my faults. For the gift of limitless love. For our lovely sons. For standing by me and supporting me through the tough times and then make them seem insignificant.

To my sons, for their perfectness as children.

To my close friends, with whom I’ve shared the good and bad times, whose company and presence have become part of memories I treasure.

For the grace of God, in letting me appreciate the right from wrongs and helped me give the correct priorities in life.

And a whole score of others, whom I cannot name individually, since I had mentioned, this is just a summary. Thank you all, none of you will be, none of you can be forgotten for the duration of my life.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Tackling tantrum throwing

Different couples have different reasons for having children. Ours was a bit complicated and some day I will note it down (makes for insightful reading).

Bottom line is we not just had one child, but two. Now there is a very good reason for that too. Read about it here...

However, as any parent in this world will tell you, while parenting has its obvious joys, parenting two kids also has its challenges. Handling both of them, the sibling rivalry and trying to be 'reasonable' and 'fair' to both (even in the midst of a terrible fight), has never been easy. But I have found a via media, a veritable middle path that I use in tackling some of the 'sensitive' issues between them, and I am sharing four of those 'tactics' here. 

When my children hear me mouth the following words they think I am insensitive and impolite. To me, this is the only way to avoid losing my temper, shouting at them and in the bargain, feeling miserable. 

Here's a list of what generally gets my goat and how I deal with it:


1. Crying - Really loud. Most likely in a public place. Or in the midst of a guest/relative/friend. For a vague reason that could range from "You always buy her/him everything and me nothing" or "I REALLY want to play now and you are saying 'study'"....


I shush them quiet and say "I don't want to 'hear' a sound. Cry in your mind."

First few years they'd actually become quiet and calm down and figure out 'how' to cry in their mind. Sometimes I would go a step further and tell them "I don't mind if you cry. I don't want to hear it. Thats all."

Then came a phase when they would irritatingly ask me, "How can I cry in my mind?" 

Now at 12 and 8, they just quieten down. Guess they've also learned that I am deaf as long as they screech and I am also beyond embarrassment with their tantrum throwing.

It works!


Sometimes I am at my wits' end and then I remember how my mother used to tackle us. She would find it hard to ignore us, if we (like my own tots do) kept tugging at her clothes, chin, hands whatever to grab her attention and get her to "accept" that she would shout at the brother/sister who was hassling us... But finally she would give in and say:
"I will shout at him/her when I find them alone next."

If we protested, she would say in her sweetest voice, "It doesn't look nice to shout at him/her in front of so many people. So I will do it when I find him/her alone."

What it does is calms the situation down for that moment. Kids being kids soon forget the reason why they were squabbling or fighting and the issue is laid to rest without actually screaming/shouting/threatening the child, and thus avoiding another confrontation ("You don't love me..."....)

I use the same tactic. And this one works too.

Of course when the children realise that this is just a way of postponing the crisis or brushing it under the carpet, they DO get mad and shout, "But you never do it!" or "I KNOW you won't shout at him/her..."

But, in my experience, it is a better way of dealing with intense sibling rivalry or tattle telling...


3. Love - When their fights go beyond the usual "I hate you" I stop and remind them how much their sibling loves them. "But she/he loves you so much..." This sentence almost always gets to them to stop mid-way and listen to you through the crying and tears. 


The older one does sometimes say "No he doesn't..." to which I always promptly say "He does. If you stop fighting you'll see the love"...


This works too :-)

4. Hugs - What child hasn't questioned your love for them? As a parent, don't we often hear, "You love her more than me..." or "You love him so much you agree to everything he says"...



I often tackle this by hugging them real tight and telling them that I love them as much as I do their brother/sister... After the initial resistance, that lasts a minute perhaps, I feel their bodies slacken and give in to the hug. Then they hug me back. 

A hug can heal any thing. Believe me... This one works like magic!

Images courtsey: Google Images

Joy of Giving - Week 11 - Rahmath; Ritu


The Joy of Giving card for week 11 inspired Rahmath to give away a CFL to the house help. Read about it here...

Last evening, I asked my driver if he used yellow bulbs or CFLs. He said bulbs. When I handed him the CFL, this man who rarely ever smiles, broke into an instantaneous smile murmuring a Thank you.

Next in queue, the dhobi.

What is your Joy of Giving experience? Share it with us! Here's how...


To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. 

To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eleven weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Garments

Heaped
in a pile.
Bearing
the stench of the day.
Lying,
breathing,
tired...
barely living;
Yet
Surviving
in the hope
of a new sunrise.

Blasts and us


Ultimately and over a period of time they will just remain numbers in our head until one day, it gets you or your loved one, and you become another bloodied or wailing picture. 14/07, 26/11, 13/02, 13/05, 07/11.... a series of numbers that may bear relevance to you depending upon where you were during the blasts and whether it impacted you in any way.

After the last blast that tore through parts of Mumbai, my 12 year old wanted to know if it was “as bad as the Taj attack.” “Difficult to say” I said, knowing well that in our world of increasing nonchalance we judge a blast by the numbers it killed. 11 killed? Not that bad. Less than the 60 from the Jaipur blasts of 2008!

I did want to tell her that each blast is different. Because the people who die or are injured were/are  a person, with dreams, hopes, aspirations, families, careers, friends...all cut short by a terrible tragedy. But I don’t. At 12 she is young and may not understand the cruelty this world is capable of.  

After the well established cycle of political-intelligence-failure-nexus-passing-the-buck-bombardment-by-media, life always gets back to the way it was for most of us who didn’t die or get injured on the fateful day.

And that is what I have a problem with.

I have a problem with moving on, with what is inevitably hailed as the “spirit” of the masses (i.e. us) that survives and survives well. I have a problem with media’s portrayal of the survivors, and again, of the spirit. I have a problem with the re-visitation of the victims and their families on the “anniversaries” of these blasts.

I have a problem with the way we have mutely accepted idiotic and unintelligent frisking in the name of “security” at our malls and multiplexes while we can actually walk in with a bomb at any one of our over-crowded and poorly secured railway/bus stations. I have a big problem with politicians and bureaucrats announcing ex-gratia to the dead, while passing the buck of failure to each other, until the next blast/series of blasts strikes innocent citizens.

Most of all, I have a problem with the word “tragedy” when we refer to a bomb blast; natural calamities, we can’t help, but it is sad to watch our Nation become terrorism’s poster boy, one blast after another. 

I am also scared. At 12, my daughter who reads the newspaper and is aware of the occurrences in the country, knows that terrorists strike at will and in the aftermath, leave "dead" people. I am afraid that by the time she becomes a citizen eligible to cast her vote, she may become immune to such travesties to human kind. For isn't it the natural course - to become "used" to something? Like we get used to luxuries, won't the children in her generation also get used to hearing/reading about such attacks? 

Will they, like we are slowly developing, have a defense system that will guard them against "feeling" any thing for the victims?Until, the 'tragedy' strikes closer to home?? 

On the 26th of November today, the third 'anniversary' of perhaps India's most audacious terrorist attack, these are my thoughts. Strangely, I didn't dwell much on the sacrifices of the likes of Major Unni Krishnan too... 

The virus of immunity is already spreading. And seems to be nothing much we can do about it.

Joy of Giving - Gratitude List - Abhilash

Perhaps the youngest follower of my blog, Abhilash P has penned his Gratitude list in response to Joy of Giving card 10. Coming from a teenager, it is an amazing list. I wonder if my own children would consider thanking us as parents :-)
Abhilash, do show this to mom and dad. They will sure be proud of you!


1. i am grateful for being alive at this very moment, when millions of kids are dying of hunger,thirst,disease or anything else.

2.i am grateful for having 2 of the best parents in the world,for loving and taking care of me even when i do something they hate.

3.i am grateful for getting a good education.

4.i am grateful for being a good photographer,because it might get me a job one day.

5.i am grateful to God,for giving me hope.




Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Joy of Giving - Card 11 - Week 11

Friends,
The Joy of Giving is back with its 11th card... And this one is as simple as SIMPLE can be:




My first one would have gone to the maid, but she's on leave. Next in queue: the driver, dhobi and ... I am still thinking....


I also have a request: Do keep me posted about your small acts of kindness. Your selflessness may serve as an inspiration to another... 


Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. 

To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eleven weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

My Gratitude Diary - Joy of Giving

I have started my Gratitude Diary in response to the Joy of Giving Card for Week 10. And I hope to continue posting my thoughts in it. For starters,

I am grateful for the gift of good health, for when I didn't have it, I realised its worth.


I am grateful for the love and care my near and dear ones (family and friends) have shown me; in my weak moments, mentally and physically. I can never thank them enough, in words or in actions.


I am grateful for the joy of waking in the morning, each day renewing my hope...


I am grateful for the love and adulation of my beautiful children, who inspite of my working hours, schedules and crazy routine, remain connected with me at many levels


I am grateful for today. I am alive. I am healthy. I am loved. So I can learn to be happy too. And I will try. I will. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sweet Memory

I wrote this a few days before the second one arrived into this world. I am glad I found it in the pages of a diary and as I reproduce it, I can't help but smile over and over again....
April 05, 2003.

She squeals in absolute delight. She stares at the screen, totally enthralled - wide eyed, jaws dropped open. Her giggles echo through the tiny darkened room.

It is my sprightly three year old; not in a cinema watching a cool new animated flick, not at home watching her favourite new-kid-on-the-block, Vivek Oberoi. She is watching the monitor of the ultrasound machine that is projecting pictures of her little unborn brother.

A pair of eyes, a mouth, hands, legs, fingers, toes, a steadily beating heart...she is soaking it all, under the expert guidance of the friendly doctor. The pictures are hazy...a lot of black and a little white, but so full of life!


"Mama, its Abhir!", she exclaims, eyes twinkling, as they travel from the monitor to me and back, savouring every glimpse.

We have named him Abhir; made aware of his sex as soon as the doctor could identify him. She has been waiting patiently, for the last eight months, to hold her little sibling; the little baby she hopes will share her room, her toys; and we hope, her joys and happinesses and her life.

And to think that we had the power to say NO to it all, like many couples these days do. More than one child sounds like hara kiri to many and the excuses range from being socially responsible citizens of the country (by not adding to the vast population), to the more practical - we can't afford one. Growing up with siblings has been a significant part of our lives, my hubby's and mine, and we wanted our first born to revel in the same feelings.

The time has almost come. We are almost there; nearing the days when his wails will ring in a new beginning in all our lives, especially our daughter's.

Tonite I will whisper a little prayer of gratitude to the Almighty for bestowing upon me the joys of parenthood. The look on her face that I saw today will be etched in my mind forever
.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Joy of Giving - Week 10 - Card 10

Another week. Another card.


I did not travel in a rickshaw the whole of last week, but when I do, I will recall the card of Week 9.


This week the card is:

I have been on a roller coaster recently. It has made me question my beliefs, value systems, the sanctity of relationships and even the very purpose of living. 

I have started my gratitude diary and I am not afraid to share it. I will post it in detail soon.

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. 

To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past ten weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Joy of Giving - Card 9 - Week 9

This week the card embodies the simplest way one can reach out to another human being. 




The first follower of this card: The daughter (who picked it out of the deck) has already kept Rs 20 from her pocket money aside to treat Somnath bhaiya tomorrow, in whose auto rickshaw she goes to school every day. I am so happy that the Joy of Giving is actually teaching my children to spread love and joy through such simple, yet thoughtful acts.


Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.


To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. 

To know how it started click here


To track the Joy of Giving through the past nine weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Week 8 - My experience

I refrained from running the washing machine for two whole days (imagine the pile of laundry post this!)... Took bath in cold water, and avoided a shower too... The weather in Pune doesn't need us to switch the AC on at night but even on those sweltering afternoons I was determined not to use it...

After this exercise for the Joy of Giving week 8 card, I observed the following:

1. I actually need to run my washing machine about 4-5 days a week only. On weekends I end up having a half load and I can thus avoid a run, saving water and electricity. Mental note: Need to follow this.

2. Taking a cold water bucket bath is the toughest thing for me to do. In my family, even at the peak of the Kerala summer, we have always taken a warm water bath, and that habit has stayed with me. However, I also realised it is just the chill of the first gush of water on the body. Once that's done, it becomes easier to continue. Mental note: Continue to take a bucket bath. Cold water as and when possible.

3. Air conditioning has spoilt me. Completely. I am averse to perspiring outdoors and I have to switch the car AC on the minute I sit in it. Thanks also to the high levels of pollution in Pune, I also feel compelled to keep the windows closed to keep out the dust and grime.

4. On the one hand, I do feel the urge to do my bit to for the environment, the heat and dust get the better of me and I succumb to pulling up the window and turning to the AC.

5.Getting the children to appreciate the value of 'hot' water and airconditioning has been tough. To them, these are taken for granted, much like the food thats put on the table. But I have succeeded. The daughter, who has to take a bath at 615 am on a school day and cannot possibly do it in bone-chilling cold water, has now begun remembering to switch the geyser 'off' after she is through. She has also learned that it's ok to sleep 'with the fan and without a quilt' rather than 'with AC and a quilt' just to help save the environment.

6. Every time I throw a milk sachet in to the dust bin I am reminded of how little I am ACTUALLY doing for the environment. These little initiatives are just baby steps. There is so much more I need to do.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Ace of Diamonds... Just Someone...

An anonymous follower of this blog since I can remember (which is forever) and a friend who calls himself 'Just Someone' has in the true spirit of the Joy of Giving gone back to the first card

Followers of the Joy of Giving will recall, it was the first and the toughest to follow.... The Ace of Diamonds and I believe only those who really want to be the change they'd like to see in the world can truly follow or attempt to follow this card... I applaud his gumption in wanting to go back to it...

Just Someone, do keep us posted with your experiences. And we wish you ALL the very BEST!!!!

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.


To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog). 

To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past nine weeks, click here.



Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Joy of Giving - Week 8 - Card 8

I am late! After a rather hectic Diwali break (which was spent largely barking at the children) it seemed as though it would take another two days to kick start life as I knew it! So here I am with another card.

Late, yes, but worth the wait :-)

This week the card is so do-able I am going to try and do this for at least three days; one each for the machines mentioned. Those with me, do raise your hand! :-)



As always I request all of you to send me your experiences any which way (comment on my post, write on a public forum - your own blog etc, email me...)...


To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog). 

To know how it started click here

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eight weeks, click here.