Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Joy of Giving - Week 18 - A tale

Once, way back in 2008, I wrote about it on this very blog. About the trepidation I'd felt when I found the profile of a dear brother (cousin) on the recently-hyped FaceBook and didn't have the guts to send him a message. He responded to my post, wrote a long reply in my comment box, much to my surprise because I didn't know he even knew I had a blog or an existence in the virtual world.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we met up - he drove down to Pune with his wife from Bombay - and began the process of building the bridge we'd broken.

More than three years hence, we catch up with each other once in a while (mostly Whatsapp), and after the initial Mr Goody Two Shoes behaviour (which lasted till May 2011), he is back to being the cuz I knew growing up - sarcastic, mocking and weird.

But I am not complaining!

Because see, the thing about attempting to build the bridge again is also that we tend to put on appearances; perhaps to impress the other person (with our maturity - because heck, it IS the maturity that brought to us to the point where we reconnected in the first place!), not rudely shock the person we haven't been in touch with for years (and let them exclaim, "you haven't changed one darn bit"), or may be we are still getting used to the idea of having this person back in our lives and think that being 'nice' or 'not our real selves' can cushion the blow they may feel when they realise that we REALLY haven't changed in all these years!!!!

Either ways, it isn't easy renewing a relationship, especially if it has ended on a not-so-happy note.

But every time I receive a cynical, 'below-the-belt' kinda message from the cuz I smile. Took three years but he is back!!! :-)

Joy of Giving - Card 18 experience

I got this anonymous long note in the comment box yesterday.... A beautiful tale of reconnecting and renewing an estranged friendship...

It was many moons ago that I, walked away from a beautiful friendship, the result of some impulsive and immature reactions.

We were good and thick friends who shared lots of common interests, music being the major one. He was naturally talented and played the guitar like a wiz. In fact he was the one who taught me the basics of playing this instrument, that I, to this day cherish. We also shared a wacky sense of humour, and that too bonded us well because it wasn't easy to find people to laugh at our jokes or understand our so called wit! There was no count to the number of evenings we just spent time together, that often extended to the night and the next day morning, talking, singing, sharing a drink or two.


He was also good friends with this lovely girl, an erstwhile colleague of his. He introduced me to her. I fell in love with this lass and courted her into submission. Blinded by the love, what I failed to notice or understand was that, he too was besotted, in love with the same girl. A classic bollywood 'love triangle'. And when I did come to know, my reactions too were on the same lines. Harsh words, lots of drama and a broken friendship. No, two broken friendships, because I caused the break up of two other good friends. 


As years aged me, and possibly wisened me too a bit, I realised the stupidity of my actions every time I revisited those times in my head. My sense of misplaced outrage was because “he dared to fall in love with my girl!” Arrogance of youth and immature passions can block reasonable thoughts. Little did I give weight to the fact that love sees no season or reason. Nor it is a crime. I did not give credit to the fact that may be I was the one who shattered his dreams. 

Because, they were friends much before I came into the picture. And if I could fall in love with her in such a short duration of knowing her, why couldn’t he have, earlier on itself? I remember vividly, asking him “Why couldn’t you tell me earlier! When I opened up to you first about my feelings for her?” I would have backed off even if he had hinted about it. Unfortunately, events turned out such that my anger and distress at the breach of trust overpowered all other senses and plunged that friendship to doom. 

On many an occasion I have rued my actions, at being immature and destructively impulsive. I have hence, really tried to be mellow, to avoid judgmental actions that create unnecessary wedges between family and friends. It takes a lot to make me angry now. I’m also doing my best to control the odd bursts of temper tantrums, but it’s a work in progress.
Much time had already elapsed, enough to fade out those memories when FB threw up an opportunity to make amends. Recently, an innocuous 'friend suggestion' brought my lost friend fresh into mind. After lots of self introspection and deliberation, I suppressed my ego and I messaged him and we reconnected. That was the first step. My first brick, to build that broken bridge. There is a real sense of lightness in me now. As though, I let go of some burden which I was subconsciously carrying. Happier still, that lovely girl, who is now my wife, has also reconnected with him. This time I introduced him to her.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 17 experience

Just Someone - as I have mentioned time and again - has been a fervent supporter of this blog right from its inception in 2003. He is now a Joy of Giving partner with me! He has no presence any where in the virtual world and when he writes his experiences, I take his permission and reproduce them here...

His Joy of Giving Card 17 experience -
Hi - After a long break from gym, I was finding excuses every evening - not to go back to the gym and fermented the excuses in my mind to make them compelling....

This has been going on for quite a few days... Two days back, I had found another reason to postpone the gym session to 'tomorrow' and then I read your blog... Your blog made me realise what I was running away from... packed my gym bag and went... and then felt very good about it... Thank you for the push...

Monday, January 9, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 18 - Week 18

At some point in our lives, all of us have broken bridges. We have walked away from people, friends, relationships for reasons that need not be matters of debate and most of us have never looked back.

Many of us believe we are invincible and we have an ego that doesn't allow us to forgive and move on. Most often we end up keeping that bridge broken, stubbornly refusing to mend it, by reaching out, and apologising or forgiving or both.

This week, the Joy of Giving card extolls us to say Sorry and mend old relationships.  


I love this card and I shall shortly recount exactly why!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week.

Post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past Eighteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 16 - Experience


I have always battled weight issues. As a child I was thin. But somewhere along the way as I grew up, weight became a problem. I have written a lot about my weighty problems and my struggles... Have reproduced two of them at the end of this post.

I am still overweight. On the scale. I say "On the scale" because I look like I have only flab on my body, but fact is I have a lot of muscles too. I have excellent stamina and capacity for hard work (physical labour).

All this is thanks to my workout regimen.

I have been an avid gym goer for the past five years and although I haven't lost as much weight (on the scale) as I ought to have, I have lost oodles of inches. It has helped elevate my confidence and made the clothes I love wearing, look a whole lot better :-) Recently I have also added Yoga to my routine, three times a week.

So when I, before I left for the XMas vacation, picked this card for the last week of the year, I was happy. Happy because I would get to share the secret of my fitness regimen with my friends. And perhaps inspire somebody to take up an exercise routine they find comfortable.

If you knew the story of my fat-fit-fat-almost fit life, you'd wonder how someone as lazy as me even gets to the gym almost 5 days a week and works so hard that most people are in awe of the workout routine I follow.

I will cut the long story short and simply say, I decided that I was okay with the fat on my body (a lot of it is genetics, a lot to do with stress and and a lot more to do with unhealthy eating habits), but I was not okay being unhealthy. The prevalence of diabetes and heart disease in my paternal family, the struggles my mom had endured running to hospitals while my dad lay in the ICU recuperating from a heart attack (and eventually a by-pass surgery), the medications, instilled in me a resolve to do something to remain healthy.

So I, the one person who completely loathes routine of any kind, made a lifestyle change. I decided that I would do some sort of physical exercise at least 5 times a week, for as long as I live.

Thus came into picture my gym - world famous in Pune - Talwalkars. I have stuck to the regimen and although I took a short sabbatical a few years ago, I got back to my gym with gusto as soon as I felt my stamina depleting.

I don't need to spell out the benefits of a workout. But I will say to all my friends out there who have a reasonable excuse to skip any sort of workout regimen (be it a gym, daily walks, a treadmill at home, yoga, pilate, dancing, swimming, aerobics or what have you) just like I did for many many years, we need to incorporate exercise as an un-missable part of our lives.

Lifestyle change. Any sort of exercise routine must be made part of our daily lives - not something we do because we want to lose weight before a wedding in the family, a party or some such "special" occasion. It should become like that cup of tea/coffee in the morning that we cannot do without. It should have a space in our lives, much like the time we take out to commute to our workplaces, or the time we spare for TV viewing everyday.

To indulge in some sort of exercise routine simply means to spare some "me" time; time for ourselves. As a woman I know that most of us refuse to take time out to pamper or indulge ourselves in the smallest ways possible. So sparing 1-1.5 hours everyday for a workout may sound impossible. But it won't be impossible if, as I mentioned earlier, we make it 'part' of our lives. Like the 8 hour sleep we need. Or the four course dinner we HAVE to make for the family. Part of us.

And the need to spare some time for exercise also includes the men. Health is definitely wealth regardless of our genders.

To conclude this ramble, I raise a toast to the Card of Week 16 and hail it as a MUST DO for all of us! Hope you follow it too...

Leaving you with two snippets from my old blog on the same subject. The first one is inspiring and the second - well...it is about the "excuses" I believed in before I thought enough is enough!



2 December 2005 

Nearly all of us will accept that we overlook our personal health and its upkeep. Giving into a temptation once in an odd way is acceptable. But most of us eat unhealthy food out of sheer habit than necessity. Incorporating a work out into a full fledged routine is an arduous task too, given our lack of time. So we end up battling the cellulite deluge.

Most of us give up. Fat is not good for our self esteem and confidence. But it is EASY; easy to accept, easy to live with, easier to grow.

Take me, for example. I am a working mother of two who has had to fight the bulge ever since I can remember. As a child, my mother enrolled me in a dance class that helped me keep fit. As the pressure of excelling academically grew, I stopped training in Bharatnatyam and grew in size. My height just refused to beat the mark it is at even today.

In college, I managed to keep a 26 inch waist and a 46 kilogram weight, perfect for my 5 feet one inch petite frame, only because I survived on one meal a day. It took its toll on my complexion which my north Indian relatives blamed on the tropical south Indian sun! 

Then I got married. For many years I tried hard to get into a work out routine. But it never worked out! And hell, how was I to keep away from food when I was cooking it? My battle with the bulge was back with a vengeance. All hell broke loose when I became pregnant with my first child.

Needless to say, I haven’t been able to turn back the hands of time since. Two kids later and numerous efforts at “diet control”, dieting, fad diets and once-a-year dance stints with Shiamak Davar have yielded nothing. I have reached a weight that I hate to comprehend even to myself.

That I belonged to a family with a history of diabetes and heart disease, failed to make me overtly conscious or instill a fear of the inevitable. I took shelter under the advise my gynecologist sister-in-law offered me, that a 10% increase in body weight after child birth was considered normal for women. 20% for two kids. I was a little over the 20% mark but I reckoned it was not something to lose sleep over or avoid the lip smacking strawberry pastry for. I realize now, that by merely taking cover, I was not taking charge.

Cut to the present.

The easy routine at my work place has seen me frequent a gym at least thrice a week. But the results are yet to show. Because I lack the motivation to work out as much as I can; I am willing to skip it on the smallest pretext. I also lack the self control required to say NO to a cheesy pizza or the regular rajma-chawal. It is also slowly dawning on me that as I grow older, not only will this fat become a permanent entity; it will certainly get added onto. It is scaring the hell out of me, but….just not enough.

I am not happy with the way my weight is, but I am willing to compromise. My complexion is not that bad! I guess I have also gotten used to people telling me that I am not that fat; and that I carry my weight well. As my husband always says, (which I think all husbands who love their wives say, even at the cost of sounding like liars and fibbers) “a little fat looks good on you.”

Quite frankly, who in the world wants to question such love?

One year after I wrote this, I turned my life around by sparing one hour at least 5 days a week for MY health and happiness.

Believe me, its do-able!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Joy of Giving - Week 17 - Card 17

Welcome to the Joy of Giving in 2012 - a glorious New Year for us to make new beginnings, leave the baggage of the past behind and get a fresh perspective on life!

There is something about the act of picking a card at random from the deck of 52. Somehow, the cards that spring out are full of surprises and suitable for the week coming ahead.

In this New Year, what better card can we have, than the following one?


In this world of increasing intolerance and religious fanaticism, this should serve as a reminder of how all faiths are ultimately aimed at the same thing - to make us better humans, inspire us to follow the path of humanity, tolerance, love and brotherhood.

Hope we actually follow this card and write our experiences.

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past fifteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Joy of Giving - Card 15 - Alka


My friend and fellow blogger, an ardent supporter of the Joy of Giving series ever since it began 16 weeks ago has written a beautiful post on a teacher who inspired her in response to the week 15 card -

A Teacher Affects Eternity

Last week Ritu posted another ‘Joy of Giving’ card. She told us to write a thank you note to a teacher who inspired us the most. I have hardly met any teacher during school days who seemed remotely inspiring. They were more like came into class, lectured us and went out. Their interaction with students were non existent.

I remember, if there was any cultural function or debate in the school, I had never seen a notice on board. It was never announced, It was assumed that those students who were participating since KG class will only be fit to participate. A girl came and whispered something into the teacher’s ear. Teacher would call out one or two names and quietly they went out of the class. Later on we would come to know that they were participating into some event. I resented those facts so much but too young to know what to do. Later on in my life, When I was teaching myself, I took special care not to be my school teachers who were cold, indifferent and distant.

During my post graduation and B. Ed days I met two teachers who were really teachers. We were no longer kids in post-graduation class. But Prof. L. B. Verma were so inspiring and motivating as a teacher. Prof Verma’s teaching subject was history, but one day he was effortlessly explaining us how our brain works! I have already written about Sharma Sir here : Merely A Teacher?

I don’t know where Prof. L.B. Verma is right now. But I will always be grateful to him for treating the subject history the way it should be treated. Whatever understanding I have of history, is solely due to his way of teaching.

I remember students of other branches also came to listen to his usual lectures. Ha! Ha! Ha! A student doesn’t listen to his own …. If there was no place to sit in the class, students preferred to stand at the back of the class and listened to him.

Its because of Prof. L. B. Verma that I have a bit of understanding of a common man’s fight against mighty empires. History is not about Emperors and their victories but History is about how mere common men defeated mighty emperors and all pervasive church priests. How common men had to make supreme sacrifice only then formidable emperors and churches had to give up their power to the common man in the form of democracy. Mankind didn’t get democracy on a platter at all. When Anna Hazare says a common man doesn’t know the power of his vote, it means our history teachers have failed miserably to teach us what is the power of our vote and how important it is for us.

Later on, when I was teaching history to my class, I hope I was able to arouse a bit of interest in history too to my students. I don’t know where Prof. L. B. Verma is today. But I know one fact, “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Its really true when I think about Verma sir.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Joy of Giving - Week 16 - Card 16

The card for the Christmas weekend could be the perfect prelude to a New Year's resolution!

I am so happy my son picked this one, because I actually do both - exercise and yoga! Have been working out in the gym for over 5 years and began Yoga about a month ago...

So those of you my friends have been contemplating taking up some form of exercise, do attempt to follow this card:





Here's wishing all of you the very best! Hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Very Very Happy New Year!!!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past sixteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Joy of Giving - Card 15 - Guardian Angels

When I came across this post from my older blog I thought it is perfect for the Joy of Giving Card 15. Simply because, the feelings have remained unchanged since I first wrote this some time in 2008 (and have only grown) and reproducing this one also helps me bring one of my heart felt posts back from the gallows where it lies defunct in a blog manager I can no longer access.

So this is my Thank You note to Mama, Mami, Vimala didi and Anandhi. You have meant more to me than 'family' as I was growing up and even these words actually fail to express what you meant to me...

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand;
the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.
 George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

Sometimes a life time can pass by before you have the chance to tell a few special people what they mean to you, how they have influenced you, how they have made you feel…and how very much you miss them.

I don’t want to lose this chance…because I completely agree with Mr Eliot, and want to tell my Angels, I know you.....

I was a difficult child growing up…spoilt thoroughly by my parents who doted on their first born. Apparently, as a two or three year old, I would refuse to sleep at night, and my parents would pop us in the car, take me on a LONG drive, until I would fall asleep…which could be for an hour or more. That’s in 1976, when cars were few and fuel was some paise to a litre.

My birthdays were celebrated in STYLE. My parents would call everyone they know, and the guest list would often run into a hundred plus. The party would be lavish, with catering and the jazz of a wedding celebration. The spectacle continued as my brothers arrived and was brought to an end when we grew up and started demanding our “private” parties with friends.

My wishes were almost always fulfilled unless they were particularly absurd. I made my first trip abroad as a 16 year old, part of a package tour to Singapore for 10 days, ALONE. My dad did not blink an eyelid as I travelled unaccompanied, with 1000 USD CASH in my hands to spend. I had the most rollicking time of my life!

My parents never raised a hand on me… I don’t remember my mother ever shouting at me, even though I bunked classes at Junior College to go for a movie. I was allowed to drive my dad’s car at 18. I would fly to Mumbai (from Cochin) unaccompanied for vacations, as young as 6 years of age.

Guess I should stop it now. But you get the picture anyways, right?

Through all this pampering and lavish upbringing, it was easy to get carried away. I could have turned out like most of my cousins, talking money and status all the time; treating people without money with contempt. I could have made jewellery, clothes etc the pre occupation of my being. I could have decided to marry rich, enjoy the riches, because riches made you who you are…in “that” world.

But I turned out different and I can only attribute that to my Guardian Angels.

They kept me grounded…with their simplicity. I grew to appreciate people for who they are, not what they wear, the car they drive (or don’t drive), or their jewellery. I grew to understand the importance of education. I saw that happiness was not in possessing material goods. It was in being satisfied with what you have. People see me as a down-to-earth person without hang ups. I give the credit to my Guardian Angels for helping me become so.

They inspired me with their intelligence…and their hard work. I was committed to prove I could master Mathematics, my academic Waterloo throughout school, and come out with flying colours at the Class X Board Exams, only because of the guidance and inspiration I received from them.

They flattered me with their praise as I would make knick knacks out of things, or laud my drawing/painting skills in front of their own guests. They celebrated my happiness on winning Elocution at school as much as my parents did (may be even more).

They took me in as part of their family, just as they did my brothers later on. On Navaratri, I would deck up in a ‘pawadai’ (traditional ankle length skirt) and place a string of jasmine in my hair to serve the guests. During Saraswati pooja, I would place my books at the altar in their home. I was part of their wedding celebrations and knew most of their relatives by name.

I would eat at least one meal a day (if possible) at their place and if given the opportunity would have loved to have a sleep over every night. My day would be incomplete without meeting them and pouring out the day’s events to them (preferably over a meal).

I could do all that, because we lived in the same compound, housing three homes and a commercial establishment. As time went on, the Didis got married and moved away. Mama and Mami (Uncle and Aunt respectively, in Tamil) continued to share that home where we would pop in time and again, to grab small chatter, and certainly Mami’s delicious hot ‘kaapi’.

Mama passed away a few years ago, and Mami does not live in that house anymore. For me, a trip to Cochin is incomplete without dropping in to see Mami and grabbing a meal there, followed by kaapi. I miss Mama and can only imagine how he would have pulled my leg or played with my kids. I still remember his full bodied smile as he would mercilessly pull my leg by mispronouncing my (best) friend’s name, knowing how irritated I would get.

I have the sweetest memories of a happy and carefree childhood, brought to life each time I meet the family, as they animatedly discuss my idiosyncrasies as a child. It is like going through LIVE memoirs of my early years…making me thank God for handing me over to this family.

Thank You falls short for what I wish to express. And yet I will say, THANK YOU my Guardian Angels.

Joy of Giving - Card 14 experience

My friend and a supporter of this blog Just Someone has written the following about his experience with card 14. So inspiring! I am taking a cue from him and even though I cannot stop my mind from wavering (even during Yog Nidra), I am going to try and focus on happy thoughts for 15 minutes a day!

Hi I have been trying to do this almost everyday and found out that this helps.
Since it was ( still - is ) not possible to control the wavering thoughts totally, I decided that I would let my mind drift - on thoughts,people,incidents that makes/made me happy.I realised
1.that troubles always are more forceful in invading your mind than happy thoughts.
2.That with some effort it was possible to focus my mind on what made me happy... what i enjoyed...to think of the people whom i loved being with...to think of someone's smile... ( and yeah I need to add that sex was also a thought which helped me focus in one of the sessions :-) )
I love this card... and am trying to make it a part of my day