Wednesday, May 25, 2011

(a)breast and the gym

I don't understand (despite my age and relevant experience in dealing with men) why they can't look us in the eye when they talk... Why do their eyes either hover around our bodies or concentrate on some select parts (all you ladies reading this, you DO know what I am talking about...) ?

I am a very unapproachable person in the gym. I am serious about my work outs, so I go in, do my thing and get out. I don't smile, wave or acknowledge the presence of others in the gym (barring my trainer). Thats the way I am. I am also unapologetic about this.

Anyways, there are men in the gym who won't stop looking at you, trying to catch your eye, and if you do happen to see them watching you, some turn away, and some smile ... But they won't stop looking. Either they are deeply intrigued by the workout regimen I follow or perhaps amused. Either ways I actually don't give a damn.

Two days ago though, as I walked to the free weights area after 20 minutes of high intensity cardio(vascular workout) this guy looks at me and smiles and says 'Hi'.

I respond and go a step further and ask him how he's doing. That becomes his cue.

He tells me that he has noticed a 'lot of change' since he first saw me (which means I've lost some)...and then settles to concentrate on the part I've presumably lost most from (yep... as my trainer would say - pectoralis major and minor)...

In that instant I want to embarrass him so I follow his eyes and look at my own pectoralis' and then look at him... He looks up and realising what just happened, pretends to get busy with his work out without bidding adieu...

According to research men are breast obsessed...  Here's why:


They are nature's original milk jugs. Mounds of flesh that come in varying shapes and sizes and can be dressed in an endless array of fabrics and designs. 


Men find breasts calming
In a linear world full of hard edges and harder realities, breasts are soft, welcoming and nonthreatening (kind of like Al Roker). With their obvious connection to breastfeeding, and by extension childhood, breasts remind us of our halcyon days when our mothers protected us from all the world's evils.

Breasts are a symbol of fertility
A-cup or Z-cup, breasts define femininity in the same way that channel surfing and participating in fantasy sports leagues define masculinity. Breasts hint at a woman's ability to nurture and sustain life. 

Breasts are key in arousing women
Any good lover knows that a woman's breasts are closely connected to her primary libidinal zone. Therefore, another reason we like breasts is that we know if we handle these bikini stuffers properly, we can bring women to a state of heightened sexual arousal. Failing that, we can at least tell our friends we managed to get to second base.

Breasts are a home entertainment center
Who among us hasn't used a woman's breasts to play an engaging game of "Tune In to Tokyo"? More than just a milk delivery system, breasts are also a world of entertainment right at your fingertips. Let's face it: There's a reason why they're commonly known as "fun bags."

Men are stimulated visually
Unlike women, who can be aroused by reading a single passage in a Harlequin romance novel, men require visual stimulation. It's hardly surprising then that breasts, raised and perky as they often are, receive our obsessive attention. 

Breasts have the allure of taboo
The erotic allure of breasts is further heightened by the fact these "glands for the hands" are supposed to be kept under wraps and away from view. As Jerry Seinfeld so adroitly pointed out, if women kept their heads covered instead of their breasts, we'd all be heading down to the corner store to pick up the latest copy of Heads Illustrated. We always want that which we cannot have, and in that regard, breasts are the ultimate forbidden fruit.

Keeping abreast of the issues
Men are often accused of speaking to a woman's chest rather than her face, but are we really to blame? Our attraction to these "prisoners of the Playtex penitentiary" is simultaneously physical, psychological and societal. Therefore, go out and celebrate the breast. In fact, go out and celebrate a pair of them. You'd be a boob not to.

What would you want to say to this girls?


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