Sunday, September 13, 2009

Timeliness is the keyword.

Baring your soul weeks or even months after an action of your loved one has caused you hurt is seen as "quite unnecessary..." or worse still, "raking up an issue..." when there presumably does not exist one.

This is not the "Women are from Venus" type of explanation, but in my interactions and conversations with several close women friends, I have found that this is a common phenomenon.

Women tend to buckle out of an uncomfortable situation (that may result in a shouting match, an arguement, or simply a disagreement), but the wound remains on their heart, festering and growing bio-rich by the nano second.

Call it their desire to 'forgive', 'ignore' or simply 'overlook' whatever it is that causes the dent or crease on the forehead, or maybe a sleepless night, most women just 'let it go' or 'let it be' because they want to 'maintain the peace in the house' and not 'fight or squabble' in front of the kids/in-laws, or they're just simply tired of the behaviour anyways.

But the next time the Volcano erupts, all of it just comes tumbling out; Flowing irrepressibly like the lava, smouldering hot, ready to kick-ass and burn everything in its path.... The anguish of all past actions and events bursts forth, and the 'victim' (the significant better-half, ofcourse) is once again caught in his favourite position - unawares.

He either feigns complete ignorance to all the hurt he has caused, or better still, reminds you "Why did you not tell me then? Why rake it now, after all these weeks/months...?"

As if.....

And maybe he is right. The sensitive and sentimental oafs that we are, we presume that if we let the moment pass, we may forget/forgive the hurtful episode and move on, little knowing that 'We', like the mighty pachyderm that roam this Earth, 'NEVER forget.'

Does that make us vengeful? Certainly not! But it does make us extremely vulnerable. So vulnerable that we allow ourselves to be taken for granted, day after day, until one day, we explode out of sheer frustration...only to be told that we should have raised the objection when the event occured.....

So what is the right method of dealing with this predicament? Rap the guy the minute he slips up...anywhere, holds barred? Can you imagine the chaos in households if we were to start voicing our 'real' feelings EVERY single time? Would our uber-sexual partners be able to take it?

Yes. Timeliness is everything but weighed against the possible repercussions of a retaliatory dialogue, most women I know would choose to make this mistake over and over again. Including me.

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