Help find a boy

A Nepali man-friday in our building, (who has a very nice name - Chetan, but is called the ubiquitous 'Bahadur') has approached me, hoping that I, with my connections in newspapers will be able to get an insertion (read: Ad) for his missing son.

The 12 year old ran away almost 5 years ago, after an argument over watching TV! Yes. It does make you wonder at the injustice of it all. A child you've reared gets upset with you because you reprimand him for watching TV and the next thing you know is, he becomes one amongst India's lost children!!

My heart went out to him and I have vowed to help him out.

I tried all my contacts at the newspapers. They wanted to help but could not. Unfortunately, newspapers do not publish Missing Persons reports unless it comes from the Police Station. And this is a very old case so the cops have invariably lost interest.

The only option is to place an ad. I've been told by a reputed consultancy that placing an ad in the Classifieds section may be cheaper but won't have any impact. An independent ad (which will appear in the main pages and will be eye catching), for an insertion in two most popular Marathi newspapers for an all-Maharashtra publication will cost Rs 35,000 or so. Sticking to Maharashtra because logic says he may have gone to Mumbai - the likely destination for such lost souls.

I hope my friends, you will come forward to help him. Your contributions will help raise the money needed. I am starting with me - Rs 2500. Any contribution, however small, is welcome, as long as it is from your heart!

If you want to help, do send me an email and I will mail you the photograph of the lad and a copy of the FIR.

The risks: The ad may not have any impact since the boy has been missing too long. But I want to try. A last ditch effort perhaps.

And anyway, who am I to give up hope when the boy's father hasn't!

Both sides now

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds * that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Listen to this beautiful track by Joni Mitchell here -

both sides now - joni mitchell songs
Mp3 download | Music download

Timeliness is the keyword.

Baring your soul weeks or even months after an action of your loved one has caused you hurt is seen as "quite unnecessary..." or worse still, "raking up an issue..." when there presumably does not exist one.

This is not the "Women are from Venus" type of explanation, but in my interactions and conversations with several close women friends, I have found that this is a common phenomenon.

Women tend to buckle out of an uncomfortable situation (that may result in a shouting match, an arguement, or simply a disagreement), but the wound remains on their heart, festering and growing bio-rich by the nano second.

Call it their desire to 'forgive', 'ignore' or simply 'overlook' whatever it is that causes the dent or crease on the forehead, or maybe a sleepless night, most women just 'let it go' or 'let it be' because they want to 'maintain the peace in the house' and not 'fight or squabble' in front of the kids/in-laws, or they're just simply tired of the behaviour anyways.

But the next time the Volcano erupts, all of it just comes tumbling out; Flowing irrepressibly like the lava, smouldering hot, ready to kick-ass and burn everything in its path.... The anguish of all past actions and events bursts forth, and the 'victim' (the significant better-half, ofcourse) is once again caught in his favourite position - unawares.

He either feigns complete ignorance to all the hurt he has caused, or better still, reminds you "Why did you not tell me then? Why rake it now, after all these weeks/months...?"

As if.....

And maybe he is right. The sensitive and sentimental oafs that we are, we presume that if we let the moment pass, we may forget/forgive the hurtful episode and move on, little knowing that 'We', like the mighty pachyderm that roam this Earth, 'NEVER forget.'

Does that make us vengeful? Certainly not! But it does make us extremely vulnerable. So vulnerable that we allow ourselves to be taken for granted, day after day, until one day, we explode out of sheer frustration...only to be told that we should have raised the objection when the event occured.....

So what is the right method of dealing with this predicament? Rap the guy the minute he slips up...anywhere, anytime...no holds barred? Can you imagine the chaos in households if we were to start voicing our 'real' feelings EVERY single time? Would our uber-sexual partners be able to take it?

Yes. Timeliness is everything but weighed against the possible repercussions of a retaliatory dialogue, most women I know would choose to make this mistake over and over again. Including me.

Don't they say something to the effect that means 'Fling out that relationship...that one... yes... THAT one, which saps you off your happiness, makes you feel worthless...."

On the other hand, the smarter ones advise you, "Talk. Work it out. Its the only way."

Talk? Now, let me ask you, how many times have you tried to initiate a conversation, a real heart-to-heart with your better half to a satisfactory response?? (And this quiz is not open to the newly wedded blissfully unaware of the marital pitfalls kinda couples...)

Everytime you try to have a conversation about what has caused you hurt, you are invariably shown the mirror. The finger points right back. A question is hurled back at you. Making you, thus, the perpetrator of past crimes, real and imaginary, and perhaps of several more in the future. And your partner, a victim: of life, of circumstances. Courtsey YOU.

So you walk back to the starting line each time, like an animated film being re-wound and starting once again from the part where the lion roars through the ring, but soon disappears as credits begin to roll.

Back where you started. Except this time, you hear the barrage of complaints against you. So you set down your arms and raise your defenses. "That is not what I meant. No, that is not what happened. This is the truth..."

It goes on. Unendingly immune to the cause of action, the barrage continues and leaves you ... Right... Exactly where you started from. Angry, hostile, hurt and sad all at once.

You feel the exasperation creep in like a volcano brewing in Earth's belly... A few repetitions of this ACT and the volcano erupts to an incredulous response, "What happened to you? Why are you so angry? What did I do now?"

Playing headbangers ball maybe some people's idea of a 'conversation' and method of 'sorting' it out. But it so has not worked for me. If only, it has made me angrier and upset-er (I know that isn't a word). And I know it has done my partner no good either. It is easy to make that out by the way he snorts and says, "Do you have to do this every three months?" Except that he has been living on another planet so long he has probably forgotten that you have a period once a month and not once every quarter. But thats besides the point.

It is the anger and the frustration that you find difficult to deal with. "Try meditation" say well meaning friends. "I would" you think, "as soon as I can sort out this mess...I will relax...and perhaps take to meditation... Give up the world maybe. Anything. Just wanna clear my life off this mess first...."

Divorce, seperation, or living together for the sake of the kids are all 'punishments'...

What is the answer, then? Where is the solution? Wherein lies redemption?

Here's wishing my darling doll a Happy 10th Birthday!