Sunanda Tharoor died. While the actual cause of death is still
unknown, what is known is that she was distraught at her husband’s seeming
indiscretion. She was heartbroken at his infidelity; he was paying attention to
another woman, and in a way that she assumed was detrimental to her marriage.
So she did what many women in her situation would do – confront the
perpetrators (her husband and the lady in question); only in this case she did
it on social media. The world got to know that something was amiss and although
the diplomatic husband later issued a statement that everything was fine with
their marriage, the seeds of suspicion had been planted.
Ask any marriage counsellor or psychologist and you will know that
when confronted with the shock of a cheating spouse human beings react in
similar ways. First there is anger, then there are emotional outbursts,
followed by grief, sadness and lastly, action – either the partner chooses to
reconcile or seek separation/divorce.
Sunanda Tharoor seemed to have gone through every stage, and almost
just as systematically during a very short span of time. At the end of it, she
died.
Her husband Shashi Tharoor is distraught and rightfully so. He has
lost his wife, friend, companion and lover. While the world can speculate about
his alleged affair, the fact of the matter is that Tharoor is as much a loser
in this situation as Sunanda was.
Infidelity is a double-edged sword and neither party can get out of
it unscathed.
The partner whose spouse cheats on them feels an immense sense of
loss – of trust and of the partner ‘you loved and married’. The fear of
financial crisis, the complication of children (and the effect this has on
them, their future), the shock, the hurt, the anger and the obsession “is
he/she with her right now?” can be all consuming. Overcoming infidelity is not
impossible but it is a slow and intense process that requires both partners to
show commitment to their relationship.
The partner who cheated, on the other hand, does not get away
scot-free. A one night stand, a fling, or even a long standing affair becomes a
bitter pill to swallow, especially if they never ‘intended’ to hurt their
spouse by their actions.
In many cases of infidelity, the cheating partner is unable to let
go of their life ‘as they know it’, the children and their home; the comfort of
their surroundings and even the spouse they cheated on. Whether they cheat out
of disinterest in their marriage, or merely for fun, their carelessness causes
their lives to get disrupted as well. When children are involved, there is a
huge price to pay.
We may never know the reality of the Tharoor saga. Did he actually
have the affair? Did he intend leaving his wife? Was he in love?
The bottom
line remains, that something happened and it has resulted in the death of a
fine woman.
May God grant Shashi Tharoor the courage to live with that!
