Monday, January 16, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 16 - Rahmath

Unable to get into a workout regimen? Read Rahmath's post in response to the Joy of Giving Card 16. Walking with her husband every day has helped her in maintaining a workout routine AND given her the added bonus - spending more time with her better half! Now that would be a good reason for many to take up walking... :-)

Isn't walking a kind of Aerobic Exercise? If so hurray for me. I have done this. Actually the sunday just before Ritu uploaded this card ,i and my hubby had stared walking as a beginning exercise. Have you heard of 10000 steps a day Project. Well could you please Google it. I am feeling a bit lazy rt now. Anyhow 10000 steps seemed a bit too much to start. But, I got a pdf from the internet which gave me a "12 week beginner schedule" for walking. And I and hubby have been following the schedule for 13 days now.




Walking has helped me be a bit more active this winter. Not to mention how great i feel after the walk. It's a great time to talk about anything and everything under the sky with hubby. Those 15+ minutes are exclusively for us.No office, No computer, No Newspaper, No house work. Just us...Added Bonus.

Ritu had posted her experience and has inspired me to take a more strenuous routine. Maybe we will do it. Soon... But let's see how effective walking is first. Maybe I can start an additional routine twice thrice a week. That should work rt?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 17 - Rahmath

Rahmath who has been following the Joy of Giving wrote this on her blog for Card 17:


The card that Ritu posted on 2.1.2012 was "Visit a place of worship other than your own".

I think I will pass this one. Why?

I have visited my fair share of churches, temples,mosques and recently I visited a Gurudwara. I would like to visit a Budhdhist temple someday though I don't know of any nearby. I feel I have already completed the purpose of the card. The best prayer which arose in my heart was in the foot hills of the himalayas, where there was no shrine of any religion, at sight. Personally I am on my way of rejecting organised religion of any form. Recently I declared to a perfect stranger who was trying to persuade me to do something religious that I did not beleive in any religion.

She said " Oh that's bad"

I said "Oh no, its good .I am secular."

I cannot tell you how liberated I felt . I have never done that before. Don't get me wrong. I am a theist; maybe, even a die hard one. But I no longer beleive in any kind of man made boundaries. But again, I am not against Atheism.

This Rambling reminded me of a post I wrote for fun when I was thinking about the impact of religion in our lives. If you liked what I wrote in the previous paragraphs maybe you will like to read that post too. Maybe you will enjoy it.

Rahmath, you're not alone. My husband and I desist from filling up the 'Religion' column on all sorts of forms (the only one we couldn't avoid was the Passport application). But in the admission forms of schools, even in my own college application, for the MA I pursued after my marriage, I refused to fill the religion column. When compelled, I write Indian. 

I am proud that after years of conditioning my daughter has also begun responding to the Religion questions with an 'I am Indian' refrain. 

Not because we don't take pride in being Hindus. But our Nation, the Motherland comes before our religion for us. SO I understand your sentiment and believe that each of us, especially Indians, were to adopt the 'I am an Indian First" stance (without compromising our religions or personal equations with the Maker), we'd make the world a better place!



Thursday, January 12, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 18 - Laying the Foundation

When I first started writing, this blog was my place to vent. But through this virtual Dear Diary I have met some incredible people. Strangers who have joined me from the unknown.... I have been enriched by their friendships, their experiences and their lives. 

When I read the following post (written in response to Card 18) in my Inbox I was completely tongue tied. I know this person but she chooses to remain anonymous. I respect her wish and with her permission share this post with you.

I also applaud her for her action. Reaching out and renewing a bond broken after a heartbreak is NOT easy. Kudos to her! 

A long time ago I was influenced by a story in Women’s era about a widow who regretted that the last words spoken to her husband were that of anger and I had decided that I would profit from her lesson. So how much ever I and my friends or relatives fought I made sure that when we parted, the bridge was always there. If it was not, I persisted subtlely to build it and then slowly let go, once the way was open. It was not necessary that we always remained in touch but anytime we wanted to talk, there was nothing to stop us …that was the criteria.

But there was this one person who became an exception. Trying to keep the bridges on became very difficult and frankly speaking I had cut this person out of life and thrown her out because it was very difficult being a positive person with her around ( and the funny thing is she was technically not around.The brdidge was broken and burnt. So, You can imagine her hold on me and how important she was to me.After all she was my elder sister). 

Whenever she hurt me directly or indirectly ( because she was against my marriage ) I used to lash out at my hubby. For one whole year my anger would be directed to him like fire and like the snow he would accept it in all it’s rage and calm me down. Bless this man my readers, and bless this man’s parents for moulding him like this. Any other person would have distanced himself from me. One day, when i couldnot take it anymore, I decided , Enough is enough. This person is not worth it. The rage has to be directed to the one who is deserving and not my husband.

That night I ranted and raved like a mad lunatic screaming at that imaginary person with all my senses with my husband holding me close to his heart until I had removed all the poison in my mind.

Once I had closure I could take a deep breath. After that I have never tried to initiate any contact with her. I used to know about her through others. Prayed for her like I normally did but that’s it. No longer was that person a part of my soul. No longer did she have any influence in my feelings. I was content with the situation. I was extremly happy ..I am extremly happy. I have my sister in my memories which are untainted. And for now truly speaking i am content in that.

And then comes this card. "Be the first one to say sorry". My first impression was “Hey , I don’t have anyone like that and then I remembered her.” I went in a turmoil. Should I do this? Even when a small part of me thought of saying sorry for hurting her due to my actions many other parts of me would squish that part of me down saying “ Why the hell should you say sorry????. You marrying someone you like is wrong but she wanting you to live your whole life in misery is right? Have you forgotten how she behaved to you? Have you forgotten how unjust she was??? What are you so sorry for?” and things like this. But this card is giving me strength to give importance to that tiny part of me whcih still wants to be the better me.

I cannot judge for what she did to me just like I cannot ask forgiveness for doing what I believed to be right but I can ask sorry for the pain she underwent for my sake. How much ever I think my decision is justified and her reaction is not, it is not for me to judge her pain. Pain, after all, is Pain. Who are we to judge whose is more? So I wrote to her,

Clean and straight with no ifs,buts , becauses, and no explanations …. All that is not of consequence….But it was very difficult to write it.

In short i told sorry for the hurt i caused her through my actions. I did not explain nor justify. That was the toughest. I was as well doing it. I thought i might as well give her the total satisfaction.

I am not going to wait for reply. the pessimist and the real me does not expect anything good. I wanted to write about this before any second thoughts. Anyhow if not the bridge, atleast the rocks for the foundation has been laid.

Pray for us....

Ithaca - Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

I want to imbibe this. Enjoy the journey. Stop fretting over the failures. The journey itself is the reward.

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.


Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn from scholars.


Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.


And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Joy of Giving - Week 18 - A tale

Once, way back in 2008, I wrote about it on this very blog. About the trepidation I'd felt when I found the profile of a dear brother (cousin) on the recently-hyped FaceBook and didn't have the guts to send him a message. He responded to my post, wrote a long reply in my comment box, much to my surprise because I didn't know he even knew I had a blog or an existence in the virtual world.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we met up - he drove down to Pune with his wife from Bombay - and began the process of building the bridge we'd broken.

More than three years hence, we catch up with each other once in a while (mostly Whatsapp), and after the initial Mr Goody Two Shoes behaviour (which lasted till May 2011), he is back to being the cuz I knew growing up - sarcastic, mocking and weird.

But I am not complaining!

Because see, the thing about attempting to build the bridge again is also that we tend to put on appearances; perhaps to impress the other person (with our maturity - because heck, it IS the maturity that brought to us to the point where we reconnected in the first place!), not rudely shock the person we haven't been in touch with for years (and let them exclaim, "you haven't changed one darn bit"), or may be we are still getting used to the idea of having this person back in our lives and think that being 'nice' or 'not our real selves' can cushion the blow they may feel when they realise that we REALLY haven't changed in all these years!!!!

Either ways, it isn't easy renewing a relationship, especially if it has ended on a not-so-happy note.

But every time I receive a cynical, 'below-the-belt' kinda message from the cuz I smile. Took three years but he is back!!! :-)

Joy of Giving - Card 18 experience

I got this anonymous long note in the comment box yesterday.... A beautiful tale of reconnecting and renewing an estranged friendship...

It was many moons ago that I, walked away from a beautiful friendship, the result of some impulsive and immature reactions.

We were good and thick friends who shared lots of common interests, music being the major one. He was naturally talented and played the guitar like a wiz. In fact he was the one who taught me the basics of playing this instrument, that I, to this day cherish. We also shared a wacky sense of humour, and that too bonded us well because it wasn't easy to find people to laugh at our jokes or understand our so called wit! There was no count to the number of evenings we just spent time together, that often extended to the night and the next day morning, talking, singing, sharing a drink or two.


He was also good friends with this lovely girl, an erstwhile colleague of his. He introduced me to her. I fell in love with this lass and courted her into submission. Blinded by the love, what I failed to notice or understand was that, he too was besotted, in love with the same girl. A classic bollywood 'love triangle'. And when I did come to know, my reactions too were on the same lines. Harsh words, lots of drama and a broken friendship. No, two broken friendships, because I caused the break up of two other good friends. 


As years aged me, and possibly wisened me too a bit, I realised the stupidity of my actions every time I revisited those times in my head. My sense of misplaced outrage was because “he dared to fall in love with my girl!” Arrogance of youth and immature passions can block reasonable thoughts. Little did I give weight to the fact that love sees no season or reason. Nor it is a crime. I did not give credit to the fact that may be I was the one who shattered his dreams. 

Because, they were friends much before I came into the picture. And if I could fall in love with her in such a short duration of knowing her, why couldn’t he have, earlier on itself? I remember vividly, asking him “Why couldn’t you tell me earlier! When I opened up to you first about my feelings for her?” I would have backed off even if he had hinted about it. Unfortunately, events turned out such that my anger and distress at the breach of trust overpowered all other senses and plunged that friendship to doom. 

On many an occasion I have rued my actions, at being immature and destructively impulsive. I have hence, really tried to be mellow, to avoid judgmental actions that create unnecessary wedges between family and friends. It takes a lot to make me angry now. I’m also doing my best to control the odd bursts of temper tantrums, but it’s a work in progress.
Much time had already elapsed, enough to fade out those memories when FB threw up an opportunity to make amends. Recently, an innocuous 'friend suggestion' brought my lost friend fresh into mind. After lots of self introspection and deliberation, I suppressed my ego and I messaged him and we reconnected. That was the first step. My first brick, to build that broken bridge. There is a real sense of lightness in me now. As though, I let go of some burden which I was subconsciously carrying. Happier still, that lovely girl, who is now my wife, has also reconnected with him. This time I introduced him to her.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 17 experience

Just Someone - as I have mentioned time and again - has been a fervent supporter of this blog right from its inception in 2003. He is now a Joy of Giving partner with me! He has no presence any where in the virtual world and when he writes his experiences, I take his permission and reproduce them here...

His Joy of Giving Card 17 experience -
Hi - After a long break from gym, I was finding excuses every evening - not to go back to the gym and fermented the excuses in my mind to make them compelling....

This has been going on for quite a few days... Two days back, I had found another reason to postpone the gym session to 'tomorrow' and then I read your blog... Your blog made me realise what I was running away from... packed my gym bag and went... and then felt very good about it... Thank you for the push...

Monday, January 9, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 18 - Week 18

At some point in our lives, all of us have broken bridges. We have walked away from people, friends, relationships for reasons that need not be matters of debate and most of us have never looked back.

Many of us believe we are invincible and we have an ego that doesn't allow us to forgive and move on. Most often we end up keeping that bridge broken, stubbornly refusing to mend it, by reaching out, and apologising or forgiving or both.

This week, the Joy of Giving card extolls us to say Sorry and mend old relationships.  


I love this card and I shall shortly recount exactly why!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week.

Post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past Eighteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Joy of Giving - Card 16 - Experience


I have always battled weight issues. As a child I was thin. But somewhere along the way as I grew up, weight became a problem. I have written a lot about my weighty problems and my struggles... Have reproduced two of them at the end of this post.

I am still overweight. On the scale. I say "On the scale" because I look like I have only flab on my body, but fact is I have a lot of muscles too. I have excellent stamina and capacity for hard work (physical labour).

All this is thanks to my workout regimen.

I have been an avid gym goer for the past five years and although I haven't lost as much weight (on the scale) as I ought to have, I have lost oodles of inches. It has helped elevate my confidence and made the clothes I love wearing, look a whole lot better :-) Recently I have also added Yoga to my routine, three times a week.

So when I, before I left for the XMas vacation, picked this card for the last week of the year, I was happy. Happy because I would get to share the secret of my fitness regimen with my friends. And perhaps inspire somebody to take up an exercise routine they find comfortable.

If you knew the story of my fat-fit-fat-almost fit life, you'd wonder how someone as lazy as me even gets to the gym almost 5 days a week and works so hard that most people are in awe of the workout routine I follow.

I will cut the long story short and simply say, I decided that I was okay with the fat on my body (a lot of it is genetics, a lot to do with stress and and a lot more to do with unhealthy eating habits), but I was not okay being unhealthy. The prevalence of diabetes and heart disease in my paternal family, the struggles my mom had endured running to hospitals while my dad lay in the ICU recuperating from a heart attack (and eventually a by-pass surgery), the medications, instilled in me a resolve to do something to remain healthy.

So I, the one person who completely loathes routine of any kind, made a lifestyle change. I decided that I would do some sort of physical exercise at least 5 times a week, for as long as I live.

Thus came into picture my gym - world famous in Pune - Talwalkars. I have stuck to the regimen and although I took a short sabbatical a few years ago, I got back to my gym with gusto as soon as I felt my stamina depleting.

I don't need to spell out the benefits of a workout. But I will say to all my friends out there who have a reasonable excuse to skip any sort of workout regimen (be it a gym, daily walks, a treadmill at home, yoga, pilate, dancing, swimming, aerobics or what have you) just like I did for many many years, we need to incorporate exercise as an un-missable part of our lives.

Lifestyle change. Any sort of exercise routine must be made part of our daily lives - not something we do because we want to lose weight before a wedding in the family, a party or some such "special" occasion. It should become like that cup of tea/coffee in the morning that we cannot do without. It should have a space in our lives, much like the time we take out to commute to our workplaces, or the time we spare for TV viewing everyday.

To indulge in some sort of exercise routine simply means to spare some "me" time; time for ourselves. As a woman I know that most of us refuse to take time out to pamper or indulge ourselves in the smallest ways possible. So sparing 1-1.5 hours everyday for a workout may sound impossible. But it won't be impossible if, as I mentioned earlier, we make it 'part' of our lives. Like the 8 hour sleep we need. Or the four course dinner we HAVE to make for the family. Part of us.

And the need to spare some time for exercise also includes the men. Health is definitely wealth regardless of our genders.

To conclude this ramble, I raise a toast to the Card of Week 16 and hail it as a MUST DO for all of us! Hope you follow it too...

Leaving you with two snippets from my old blog on the same subject. The first one is inspiring and the second - well...it is about the "excuses" I believed in before I thought enough is enough!



2 December 2005 

Nearly all of us will accept that we overlook our personal health and its upkeep. Giving into a temptation once in an odd way is acceptable. But most of us eat unhealthy food out of sheer habit than necessity. Incorporating a work out into a full fledged routine is an arduous task too, given our lack of time. So we end up battling the cellulite deluge.

Most of us give up. Fat is not good for our self esteem and confidence. But it is EASY; easy to accept, easy to live with, easier to grow.

Take me, for example. I am a working mother of two who has had to fight the bulge ever since I can remember. As a child, my mother enrolled me in a dance class that helped me keep fit. As the pressure of excelling academically grew, I stopped training in Bharatnatyam and grew in size. My height just refused to beat the mark it is at even today.

In college, I managed to keep a 26 inch waist and a 46 kilogram weight, perfect for my 5 feet one inch petite frame, only because I survived on one meal a day. It took its toll on my complexion which my north Indian relatives blamed on the tropical south Indian sun! 

Then I got married. For many years I tried hard to get into a work out routine. But it never worked out! And hell, how was I to keep away from food when I was cooking it? My battle with the bulge was back with a vengeance. All hell broke loose when I became pregnant with my first child.

Needless to say, I haven’t been able to turn back the hands of time since. Two kids later and numerous efforts at “diet control”, dieting, fad diets and once-a-year dance stints with Shiamak Davar have yielded nothing. I have reached a weight that I hate to comprehend even to myself.

That I belonged to a family with a history of diabetes and heart disease, failed to make me overtly conscious or instill a fear of the inevitable. I took shelter under the advise my gynecologist sister-in-law offered me, that a 10% increase in body weight after child birth was considered normal for women. 20% for two kids. I was a little over the 20% mark but I reckoned it was not something to lose sleep over or avoid the lip smacking strawberry pastry for. I realize now, that by merely taking cover, I was not taking charge.

Cut to the present.

The easy routine at my work place has seen me frequent a gym at least thrice a week. But the results are yet to show. Because I lack the motivation to work out as much as I can; I am willing to skip it on the smallest pretext. I also lack the self control required to say NO to a cheesy pizza or the regular rajma-chawal. It is also slowly dawning on me that as I grow older, not only will this fat become a permanent entity; it will certainly get added onto. It is scaring the hell out of me, but….just not enough.

I am not happy with the way my weight is, but I am willing to compromise. My complexion is not that bad! I guess I have also gotten used to people telling me that I am not that fat; and that I carry my weight well. As my husband always says, (which I think all husbands who love their wives say, even at the cost of sounding like liars and fibbers) “a little fat looks good on you.”

Quite frankly, who in the world wants to question such love?

One year after I wrote this, I turned my life around by sparing one hour at least 5 days a week for MY health and happiness.

Believe me, its do-able!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Joy of Giving - Week 17 - Card 17

Welcome to the Joy of Giving in 2012 - a glorious New Year for us to make new beginnings, leave the baggage of the past behind and get a fresh perspective on life!

There is something about the act of picking a card at random from the deck of 52. Somehow, the cards that spring out are full of surprises and suitable for the week coming ahead.

In this New Year, what better card can we have, than the following one?


In this world of increasing intolerance and religious fanaticism, this should serve as a reminder of how all faiths are ultimately aimed at the same thing - to make us better humans, inspire us to follow the path of humanity, tolerance, love and brotherhood.

Hope we actually follow this card and write our experiences.

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past fifteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...