Joy of Giving - Week 1 Experience

My dear childhood buddy Rekha has written about her experience during Week 1 of Joy of Giving. I reproduce it here-

“What you say or think about others, good or bad is a mirror of yourself.” When I first heard this, it was like a knock on the head – the kind that leaves you unconscious. And when I woke up, I realised what being negative, even in the smallest way could do to you!

This was some time ago and since then; I have been trying to make a conscious effort to always look at the ‘brighter’ side of things. I also understood that when you carry the baggage of the past, it's easy to fall into the 'negative' mode, be cynical and unforgiving. But these, I understood were just 'passing clouds'  and my problems were really miniscule compared to what others around me were going through. And that, I was really blessed!

I started off with huge smiles (even at the risk of looking funny!) smiling at grumpy people in the lift and surprising them with a ‘Hello’ and ‘Have a nice day’.  If someone had a bad word to say, I’d mostly turn back and say, “God bless you!” I believe that there’s nothing Love can’t do – give it, and give it in abundance – you not only bring happiness to others but it also makes you a better person. I shut off negative conversations by delving deep into my spiritual side, reading or listing to bhajans. And yes, I could see a change, however small it was.

When Ritu came up with this exercise  last week, I was worried whether I would be able to follow it to a ‘T’. And then, I told myself that I’d go along with the flow and this was not to be another task on my ‘must-do’ list. At office, where most of the cribbing happens, my colleague and I kept each other in check whenever there was a danger of slipping. I also blocked my mind off a whole lot of negative things and stayed away from negative influences. I had nothing to contribute to a negative conversation because I had successfully blocked myself out.

At home, I refrained from shouting at Amrit (a hard task with exams going on) for different things. My voice slipped in decibel levels and I felt good about that. But I can’t say that all seven days have been perfect. I did send some ‘angry but concerned’ e-mails to a friend (though the anger was directed at myself) but in the end I sorted that out with some practical conversations with myself.

This is not just a one-week exercise… It is a continuing one... Though I believe the focus has made me a calmer person. And also, throughout the week, God has sent me many signs that He is there for me, in the many people I meet. When happiness comes in so many forms, what’s left is to just count your blessings… and be positive.

Joy of Giving Week 1

We finally DID it! Completed one week of the card that wanted us to NOT criticise or think negative for a week.

There were many learnings through the week, although I did succumb to some criticism on the last day... In recognition of the fact that I am only human, I won't beat myself over it. Suffice it to say that as long as I kept the promise, I was a much happier and calmer person.

I was also through the week, reminded of something I was taught in a workshop that had a great impact on my life - that emotions are not negative or positive, they're just emotions. Its how we deal with them that has a positive or negative effect. They told us that 'jealousy' could become a positive emotion if it leads us to do something positive in our lives!

I tried not to be 'negative' with the kids but also realised that by telling them what they needed to do (imparting necessary values) I would end up 'sounding' negative. So I changed the way I spoke and put things across to them. Instead of a "Don't", "No", "Not", I used positive reinforcement and it worked wonders!

I know a lot of you who joined me last Monday were either unable to keep up, and/or dropped it mid-way. To you all I can say is, it doesn't matter whether you tried for one day or one week. What matters is if you had your moments of 'realisation' and 'introspection'. If you did, then you too can make this work!

Step by step, bit by bit, stone by stone, brick by brick (borrowed from Whitney Houston)...

Joy of Giving - Day 4

Thought 1

There is a reason why I chose the first card when I did. Sometimes crossing the toughest hurdles at the very beginning paves the way for smooth sailing through the rest of the journey! The card - Restrain from criticising or saying anything negative for a week - is an Ace - the strongest card of the pack!

Thought 2

I am really beginning to see the sense in this exercise. I am enjoying it and on day 4, I am not so "conscious" of my thoughts. I am just beginning to feel positive without that much effort!

An update from a dear friend:

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Joy of Giving - Week 1 - Day 1-3

It was tough at the beginning. "Tough NOT to criticise, tougher not to feel negative." So I wrote in my diary on day 1. I have sound reasons to crticise - my kids - for being irresponsible, myself for not remembering my teachers on Teacher's Day (phew! That too after such a spectacular re-union!), and some others who form part of my life. And yet, 'trying' not to do it, helped.

Day 2 was a tad better. "Bit my tongue a few times. Actually avoided negative people! Wrote a positive blog post" I had noted. I also noted how thinking positive had actually increased my productivity. I worked hard, took plenty of short breaks to lie in bed and watch the rain outside my window or read a piece of fiction that I was nudging to finish. Not once did I feel overwhelmed by the work I had to accomplish in a single day. Daughter joined me on one of the soirees and we had a lot of fun talking. I made them snacks, attended to their HW and STILL managed to finish my work for the day!

By day 3, I was joyous for most part of the day, without any reason..Things happened to me that left me elated. Although I had to bite my tongue from reprimanding my kids (mostly for being irresponsible) for some reason they went the mile for me (daughter did her HW and son ate his meal!) Inspired my brother to join Joy of Giving and experience the fruits. Went through a whole set of realisations.

Here they are:

1. Almost every one I know who is battling a personal or professional dilemma needs to go through this exercise. As I explained to my brother, it doesn't have to be every single day, every single moment. But the more you "try" to do it, the easier it becomes.

2. Trying NOT to be critical or negative made me more aware of those thoughts and feelings. I could in three days, pin down most of what makes me critical of others or myself and all the negative emotions that surge within me. Once the realisation set in, it became easier to avoid the negativity.

3. Incidents that would otherwise have made me upset or angry, didn't seem to affect me any more. I was trying for most part of the day to contact the CEO of a cantonment board and kept getting either a busy tone on the phone or the secretary of the lady who said she was unavailable. Even though I was a bit persistent, what I didn't do is throw my weight around as a reporter as I would normally have done. It worked! In a FIRST ever in my career, I actually received a call from the office of the CEO in the evening! What had changed was my 'attitude' towards the situation!

4. Positive incidents also occurred. In as many years as I've lived in this city, I've never had a courier guy call me to say that my door is locked and he doesn't know where to drop the courier off. Usually they leave a 'Missed you' note that most often than not, expects us to go pick the parcel from their collection office. This call was a pleasant surprise and after I requested him to drop it off a friend's place, he agreed, which is also quite rare. The best part of all, it was a birthday gift for my daughter from my sister-in-law and brother!

At the end of Day 3, here's what I wrote, "If this is what happens in just 3 days, I cannot wait to feel the impact of 7 days on me, and those around me!"

Three cheers to that!

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