Friday, May 9, 2008

Its a matter of trust


"How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality."
Norman Douglas

When I used to open the door for courier guys I was cautious. Having read too many incidents in newspapers of how criminals pose as courier delivery guys to enter into homes and loot, rape, murder the residents. The targets are women who most often than not are alone at home in the afternoons.

Yet, sometimes, as long as it happens to be a newspaper story, after a period of time one tends to forget them. Laxity increases and the danger though omnipresent does not surface until a new story appears in newspapers.

Newspaper stories seem too far away...like it happened to ‘them’; can’t happen to ‘us’.

A few months ago, we heard about a woman who was murdered in her own apartment in Mumbai by a man who posed as a courier boy and was hand-in-glove with the servant of the house (who as almost all cases show, was recently hired). The lady in question happened to be the mother of the man who runs the company my husband used to work for.

That was the closest the horror of such a tragedy ever got to us. We were alert for a few days but are back to our lax days again.

However, the point I am trying to make out of this post is the complete lack of faith one human has in another. We cannot trust anybody. The milkman because he could mixing urea in the milk, the rickshaw driver who always asks more than he deserves as a matter of right, your maid because she may be stealing from right under your nose, your boss because he may be jeopardising your next promotion behind your back, your doctor who may be charging you an exorbitant consultancy and so on and so forth...and of course, your courier guy as well.

Our lack of trust is ingrained so deep that when I am flagged by a traffic cop (especially when I haven’t violated a traffic rule) I am certain that his intention is to take a bribe. It may not be the case every time. And yet, I mentally condition myself to take him on, if he proposes that I pay him an amount without issuing a proper challan/receipt.

So imagine my surprise when the courier guy (yep...had to be him; he triggered this post) handed the envelope to me this afternoon and said, “Madam, I have a request.” For a second I contemplated closing the door chain first and talking to him through it (what if he was making conversation with me to buy time?) But I did not, and said, “Hmm?” He said, “I need Rs 30 because my vehicle has got punctured.”

Now this is the critical part. Principally I would not mind helping a person in need. But this young man was wearing a handkerchief that covered half his face (I know Pune is a polluted city and all, but he should have taken it off while talking to me at least??!!!)How was I to trust him?

And yet, I did. I closed the door momentarily, fetched my wallet and gave him the money. He promised that he would return it in a few days because, “I keep coming to the building often.”

Now I am wondering, should I be glad that he wants to return the money...or should I be scared that he may be back and that’s not a good sign? Or should I have just refused to give him the money in the first place???

Didn’t I just say that it’s getting more and more difficult for one human to trust one another?

11 comments:

Aathira Nair said...

I totally agree with you, every time anyone comes to the door, I am so alert and take so much care not to leave the door unattended.

The puncture would have really scared me to my wits!

Unknown said...

Hi Aathira... The fact that the guy asked me the money scared me in retrospect. Hence the post. Somehow, I also live in 'that' world: It happens to 'them' not to 'us'.

Sachin Sawant said...

absolutely , it is a matter of trust,i guess we form some sort of notion about the folks which make us not to trust them.........

Unknown said...

Hi Sachin, you are right...and perhaps we also fail to realise that we have no right to form a notion of others...

AmitL said...

Hi,Ritu..you know what,this phenomenon is not sooo prevalent out here in Dubai,albeit,it is slowly catching on..courier boys being hand-in-glove with servants for robbery,servants killing,people on the road running away with the money you just drew from an ATM,etc.

But,in India,corruption has become a habit.You just know that if your telephone connection goes,or,if you need your house documents to be stamped,or,if you wish to buy a rail ticket during peak season(even after the e-ticketing),or,if you get caught with or without a reason on your vehicle on the road,or,if the policeman stops you to check your bags at the railway station----you will need to fork out some sum,in order to get away!
---
When people like the courier boy who asked you for 30/-,since his vehicle was punctured,take the money,you feel,deep down,that that's the end of that money.(Waise,I feel,this guy was sincere)
Let us know when he returns the money)
---
As for domestic help murdering people in their homes,the less said the better. Finally, you need to trust someone,so,with a silent prayer everyday,life goes on,na?

Romila said...

How so right! This is what I tell my help a 100 times every single day...Never open the door to anybody, if postman, communicate through window near the entrance door.

And the frantic me call up home every 2-3 hours to check on 'em.

It is really so difficult to trust anybody these days.

Anonymous said...

Whatever, you still chose to do good and risk the chance of being fooled. Thats courage. :o)

Arunima said...

Hope the money has come back.

We need to continue trusting people but also be cautious at the same time. Howevetr, I just received a courier through the window as I was alone at home.

I was really glad to get your message. Unfortunately, I'll be at the NDA most of the times. I am leaving on the 1st and have only a few hours in hand before I board my flight. I am planning to catch up with many people in that window. Please do mail me your contact number in any case. You could always mail me your contact number. arunima at gmail dot com

Unknown said...

Hey Amit... Yup I so agree.... We hire people to do our daily chores and let them into our lives with a prayer on our lips.. No sign of the money yet.

Hey Romila. Yes,better safe than sorry. I would be paranoid when I was working full time and had a maid looking after my kids at home. Would harass her with instructions about answering the door or even a phone call (desisting her from revealing that she was alone at home with the kids)... Now that Im at home all the time, unfortunately I have become incredibly lax....

Hey Paradox.. I dont know if I shud say 'Thanks' here :-)

Hi Arunima, I've sent u an email with my contact number... No sign of the money yet....

The Seeker said...

Yup ! what u said is quite true, its difficult to trust people these days, but also the other way, don't we need to feel ashamed for this behaviour of us, Because the last time when i was at railway station in salem, I got an auto to station and this auto driver was sweet enough to help me, he didnt know the language, somehow we communicated, i was late for my train, he said he'll help me with the bag, and asked me to board the train, I was a bit hesitant, he asked me to run and board the train. I did what he told n I waited I couldnt see for some three to five mins, The train started moving slowly, he eventually came running, Got into the train, gave me my bag, told me that he went to get a platform ticket, and he has return me ten bucks, instead he got me a mineral water bottle. I felt disgustingly bad about me, How i just couldnt trust a fellow being, sometimes its better to trust and get cheated, rather than being inhumane and not trust people around you.
Life teaches you differently, very differently..

Unknown said...

Hi Barath... I agree with u....completely!!!!