Vivify

Joy of Giving - Card 19 Experience

2012-01-23T22:07:00.000+05:30

This was a tough week.

There is a wedding coming up in my family (my brother's) and I had just enough time during the week to see the strays in my locality and sigh "When will I be able to feed them this week!" And in reality I couldn't do it.

But I did one thing - as an alternate - and I know it may not be as good as feeding a stray animal with my own hands this week, but it is a beginning.

To complete this post I would have to relate the whole story. Of strays, what happens to them, how we can help and of how I got involved.

I have never been an animal lover. But two incidents increased my awareness about the stray dogs in my locality.

First, a few months ago, some notorious residents of a middle income housing complex near my own home poisoned almost 12 -15 dogs one night. Apparently they were fed up of the dog's scavenging and littering in the neighbourhood and since the few animal lovers in the complex used to feed the strays, the other unhappy residents plotted on getting rid of them for good.

Animals rights volunteers from the area spent a whole night in the local police station to get the complaint registered! Eventually despite the lapse of so many months, no one has been caught and the overburdened (with anti-terrorist and VIP duties) haven't done a single thing to nab the culprits of this heinous crime.

I had reported the issue in the newspaper and had also met the Police Commissioner of Pune, upon whose behest the FIR was eventually filed. But nothing happened after that. No investigations, no arrests, nothing (even though the Animal Welfare Act empowers the local police to arrest those found indulging in cruelty towards any animal - including the elephants and camels we often see being used to give rides to children.)

The second incident that changed my mind about these God's creatures was when my daughter brought home a pup from a stray litter inside our housing complex. It was the beginning of winter and the sight of the shivering, hungry pup squeezed my heart.

Eventually I housed three pups for two days, before returning them to their mother. Just as another animal lover in the complex and I were trying to get a feeding routine for the pups organised between us, we found that the pups had disappeared. We were told several stories by the security of the complex - all of them were hard to believe - someone had adopted all 7, a restaurant owner had adopted all 7 pups...etc etc etc.

Subsequently we discovered that the security guards, on the behest of the complex's managing committee had simply relocated the pups to another area. Till today we don't know if they survived.

The problem of stray dogs is not limited to my locality or Pune alone. It is an ever-growing problem plaguing every community settlement, even a slum for example. There are ways of scientifically curbing the population and I got a deep insight into it during my interactions with the animal rights volunteers.

An environment company in my locality, along with the help of animal lovers have taken a census of the dogs in the locality. They spent weekend mornings for about four months, walking each street, photographing the dogs and taking basic information such as height, colour, status of limbs, injuries, etc. The purpose of doing this was to ensure that like the 7 pups from my complex were re-located, no one should be able to re-locate dogs to our locality.

So, for example, if there are 8 dogs in one street, if the regular volunteer feeders find a new one loitering the area, they can go back to census and check whether he has moved n from another street. If not, it does not belong to the locality and the dog van from the municipal corporation can be called to take him away. This practise ensures that the population doesn't grow.

The other most crucial factor in curbing the population is to ensure that the existing 140 dogs in the locality stop littering. This means sterilisation of these dogs, which is meant to be done by the municipal corporation. But like all government bodies, the corporation is inept at handling the stray animal menace to the extent that they are virtually ineffective.

Many animal rights and lovers, volunteers have taken the task of sterilising these dogs upon themselves. They collect funds, get the dog squad to collect a few dogs that are taken to Blue Cross Society where they are neutered and recuperated for a day and brought back to the same locality. Once sterilised, they will not add to the population, and with the passage of time, the existing population will grow old and die, while new strays will not be added ending the menace for good.

It is also imperative that strays remain healthy. Feeding a couple of strays in your own area (or sharing the burden with a friend or neighbour who is equally enthusiastic and dedicated) once a day will ensure they don't scavenge, or die from diseases.

All this requires time, effort, dedication and commitment (and money as well).

Due to the two incidents I've quoted above I came in touch with an animal lover who feeds the dogs in my locality every morning. She spends that money from her own pocket. She also collects money to sterilise these dogs. For this, she goes shop to shop requesting for any contribution, as humble as it may be. She has also tried to collect money through residents of the area but has met with little success.

When I met her again, watching her feed the dogs I came up with an idea that would help me fulfill the conditions of the Joy of Giving card for week 19 as well as give her the helping hand she needs.

I have given her a small contribution to help her buy rice that should last about 2 months, and a little extra to sterilise atleast 5 dogs. I have promised to help her get funds (as soon as I am back from my brother's wedding) and begin an awareness drive to help people get involved.

It is not much, and as I mentioned earlier, not as good as feeding a stray with my own hands, but its a beginning.

Joy of Giving - Week 20 - Card 20

2012-01-23T10:36:00.000+05:30

Ever since I started the Joy of Giving, it has never ceased to amaze me to see the reactions of people when you do the simplest thing for them. Like giving away a CFL bulb to people who work for you, or making tea for the night watchmen... The joy on their face is palpable!

This week the card inspires us to another giving activity that is so simple I could do it right now...book tickets online and gift them!

Happy Giving!!!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, just follow the cards in the order they are posted!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week as they are posted on the blog.

Please REMEMBER to post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. Do remember to tag me in your posts...

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past twenty weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy...

Freedom at 55 - Palani Amma

2012-01-17T22:32:00.001+05:30

She is 55 years old...and she had the guts to run away.

I dedicate this post to Palani Amma, my maid of two short months, PalRaj's wife of 38 years, mother of one, grandmother of two and one hell of a gutsy woman.

It happened almost a week ago... She came to work as scheduled, as she did every morning at 7 am. Looking back it seems that she was a bit anxious that day... And why not...she was a bird about to take flight that morning..breaking the manacles of a forced matrimony; one that she had endured and survived for thirty eight long years.

Going back to that morning...she had seemed tense and in a hurry to finish off the assigned chores. She even asked me for some money. Unfortunately, I was out of change and could not give her the petty Rs 500 she wanted. If only I'd known why she wanted the money I would have readily parted with the Rs 1000 note that I had. Anyway, she left my home at 9 30 am and that was the last I saw of her.

PalRaj, her husband rang the doorbell at 6 30 pm, asking to speak to his wife. When I told him I hadn't seen her since 9 30, he asked me if she'd told me where she was going off to. I realized something was amiss. He told me that she'd left the house unlocked, taken her clothes, her gold, most of the cash, some utensils and all the grocery. He looked worried and I asked him if they'd had a fight that prompted her to go away. He acknowledged that they had been arguing a lot lately. I did not make much of it assuming and telling him that she would probably have taken refuge with his daughter, who lived nearby, for a few days...perhaps for a change, or perhaps because she was genuinely upset with him.

He returned the following morning carrying the news that she was no where, not at their daughter's or friends or relatives... She had disappeared. Now I was worried. Where could she have gone?

A migrant from a remote village in Tamil Nadu, amma (as we fondly called her), had come to Delhi with her husband 35 years ago. Although she had been here so many years, her Hindi was awful and she had very little knowledge of the geography of the city. I requested him to lodge a police complaint. He refused.

He refused!

He claimed to have been good to her, all his life, fulfilling her desires and demands. He bought her sarees, one recently that cost Rs 7000, all because she insisted. Yet happiness eluded them. She was fond of roaming the colony more than earning a living, he said. He would not waste his time trying to locate her because she'd left him. He insinuated that she had left him because he was an old man and she was younger, much younger.... He had been out of a job, and she had perhaps left him for someone who would provide her better comforts....

I was aghast. How typical! How Simple! How quickly he accused her of infidelity, his wife of 38 years!!!!!

Later that day, I received a call from his daughter, who apologised on behalf of her mother for leaving me in the lurch. She said, "Madam, please don't curse amma... She went away, back to the village to be with her brother because my father ill treated her. She could not take it anymore and she could not tell anyone either or he would have found out and beaten her. Papa had come here and he knows that she has gone back."

This is the story of womankind...and of man, who would rather slander his wife of 4 decades, in public, than take responsiblity and admit his shortcomings. She marries him and becomes his property. He can beat her and ill treat her at will. If she retaliates, she gets beaten more. If she breaks free, she is labelled a whore on the look out for a better prospect.

I absolve you Palani Amma, acquit you of the baseless charges your spineless husband made against you. I am glad you broke away. I don't know what your compulsions were, why you tolerated him for 38 years...but you have finally escaped. You are on your own now and I have to woder how you will support yourself. Yet, if you have gone away, not once caring to look back, it must mean you are better off now. I hope you find happiness. Your courage and mettle will be an inspiration for many.

Palani Amma made it back to her village in District Erode, safe and sound, three days after her departure.

11 September 2003

A Train Journey I shan't forget

2012-01-17T11:49:00.001+05:30

This post was written in February 2004... One month short of my son's first Birthday when I had made a trip to Kerala from Delhi on the (in)famous Trivandrum Rajdhani.

Making a train journey can be tedious. And if you have to make a looooong one, (about 38 hours), with two little kids for company, you've just about had it. AND if the train gets delayed due to "unavoidable circumstances" in the typical Indian Railways style, you can very well imagine the plight.

It takes serious effort to maintain one's cool...coz

1. You may be blessed as I was, and have the worst set of co-passengers ever possible, who can be bickering, uncooperative and unreasonable.

2. There is a four year old hyperactive kid who wants to swing betwen berths like Tarzan, causing a rise in the blood pressure of many. No problem with that except that she happens to be your daughter.

3. There is also one sweet little toddler, who is his calmest best during the day, but howls the night through, making you, his mom, stand ouside the periphery of the compartment, for most part of the night, sweating profusely (totally defeating the very idea of travelling by an Airconditioned coach), singing a baritone lullaby hoping that he shuts his mouth and his eyes (in that order) and knocks off so you can catch a wink or two....

4. The food on the train, the mighty Rajdhani, is atrocious and your daughter howls through the journey demanding Maggi Noodles, Rajma Chawal, Macaroni.....just to make your life a little more miserable.

5. Whatever you have carried, (which makes up for a LARGE part of your luggage), your children refuse to eat....turning you into an expert at 100 m dashes, rushing in and out, getting off at select stations where the train halts for an unbelievable 5 full minutes....while you look for that milk/chocolate/snack vendor (or whatever is the latest demand), get to him, pick up your stuff, pay for it, glance apprehensively at the train, the watch, the signal on the platform while he gets you your change...and make it to the coach.....just in time.

Through all this, you find one particular gentleman looking your way too often, watching... He seems to be waiting for you at every station to board the train...coz he only boards after you do, when the train is already in motion.

He is there, sitting up while you try in vain to put the baby to sleep.... You see him as you cross his berth to get to yours balancing the sleeping baby on a moving train, trying not to hurt the child (You don't want to make any wrong moves lest he wakes up!!) coz you see his lights switch off after yours, as late as 2 am (It is strange because on trains for some reason - lights switch off as early as 930 pm).

He begins to feel like a shadow...coz when you take your girl to the loo for the thousandth time, and turn around after she is through, he is right there.

Then he finally approaches you and says, "Ma'am, I just wanted to tell you that you are a very good mother. You are handling your kids so well. You are being so patient and caring. Its great."

And leaves you dumb struck. You mumble a quick "Thank you...." coz actually you don't know what to say....

Should you be rude to him and snap, "Who asked you?"...coz this may very well be the latest pick up line! But you know its not...coz he compliments you and minds his own business thereafter... Nothing further...

You arrive your destination and scan the crowd for him, but he is not there. He is the angel who disappears after his job has been done - watching over a hapless mother with two children :-)

Yes. The Lord does work in mysterious ways!

Joy of Giving - Card 17 - Abhilash

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000+05:30

Young Abhilash has written about his experience with the Joy of Giving Card 17. It is so heartening to read a teenager taking the effort to follow the cards, even as his Board exams are round the corner!

Abhilash, I don't want your folks to give me a lashing. So buddy, please study hard and get back to the cards once you're done with your duty as a student! All the bestest!!!!

An experience i haven't had in a while- Coorg.

Once again, the title says it all. I had been to coorg last week( bunked school!) with my relatives. Needless to say, adventure was on my mind. Misty hills, cool streams, forests teeming with wildlife filled my mind. So, i set out last Sunday with my family to a two-day sojourn across the "Scotland of India". the journey was pretty much as i had expected-without the wildlife, which really left me in the dumps. However,remembering my friend Ritu aunty's post,the joy of giving-card 17, we headed out to the Buddhist temple not very far from coorg while coming back to Bangalore. Once inside the compound, i drew away from my family and went inside the temple on my own.there were awesome paintings all over the place.And once i went inside the temple,the sight of Buddha took me by storm. The peace and silence in the temple really calmed my mind! needless to say, this is one place i have to go to on my own, again!(Finally reading the joy of giving properly.) i will upload the pictures soon....

A lesson in History as you shop? What an Idea!

2012-01-16T23:50:00.000+05:30

It was a vacation we were taking with the children. And children being children wanted to explore every possible activity a child could indulge in, in Dubai. So we went hopping - from one end of Dubai to another, covering every possible unique experience the children wanted to enjoy. Most of these activities in Dubai are located inside Malls.

Malls - These huge structures have virtually redefined the way Indians shop or spend time on weekends. Outings with friends, children, shopping, eating out, cinemas and even a smattering of adventure activities are all centered around Malls.

Even in Dubai.

What is different however, is that while we see Malls in India as virtual replicas of eachother - with the same stores, similar food courts and similar modern albeit complicated architecture (ever tried to find a way out of the topmost floor in a Mall? You have a choice between taking the escalator down all two - three flights, virtually going around in circles as you maneuver your way through strolling couples and running children, or walking a couple of kilometres till you get to an elevator), Malls in Dubai, perhaps because they have been enticing retail buyers for much longer now, have re-invented themselves. And how!

Dubai Malls offer myriad architecture and therefore a different shopping-hopping experience - from the Pyramids of Egypt in the WAFI Mall, to the Ibn Battuta that has been constructed with several "courts" (areas, wings) based on the architecture of the countries visited by the Arab traveller Ibn Battuta!

Themed around the travels of Battuta, the mall’s six courts reflect the most influential places he travelled to. So they have a Persian Court, (the new template of my blog is a picture taken in this Mall), a China, Egypt, Tunisia, Andalusia and even an Indian Court with a majestic Maharaja riding his even more majestic Elephant (which is actually a clock) with the opulence Indian kings were famous for.

Not just the architecture, but in the atrium of each of the wings or courts, there exist small museums; glass panels with artifacts of the era when Battuta undertook his travels and the things he brought back to the Arab world.

Snippets of India's history - the reign of the Sultans, the map of the Sultanate of Delhi, the kind of spices available in India etc - virtual snatches on Indian history are visible for the interested.

Tired as we were walking in the Malls, we hardly had the chance to see the whole Ibn Battuta. But we also decided to leave the rest of it for another time. And perhaps another time.

A good travel post MUST give you details. Here they are:

If you are planning to visit Dubai, this site is good to get an update on the Malls worth hopping in to. The way the city is planning its upcoming Malls, I am certain its a matter of time before Mall Tourism gains popularity here! Most malls also have their own websites with online bookings options available for the cinemas as well as other mall activities.

To Mall hoppers, a few words of caution:

1. Wearing comfortable footwear is a very good idea (even though you will find most Arab women in 5 inch high pencil heels strolling as if in a park and will be tempted - after Day 1 - to saunter out of your hotel in your own... BAD idea!) because the walks around the expansive Malls will definitely kill your feet. Malls in Dubai are HUGE, especially the new ones and it is sometimes a good idea to take the paid shuttle service, especially if you'd just like to 'see' the ...errrr....mall... and not shop..

2. Most Taxi pick-up points and drop-off points in a Mall may be at two opposite ends. (Yes, they give some of us tourists a splendid experience of dragging ourselves around the mall with two children screeching 'My legs are killing me' and a lady who just decided to wear her...ahem...heels!!!)

So before you embark on the long journey across hundreds of meters, do ask the enquiry desk about the pick-up points for a cab and plan your voyage accordingly.

And if you have your own car? Well, I don't know about that but after seeing the levels of parking and the accesses to most of these malls, I'd say a taxi is a good option. Or even the Metro - that actually opens inside the Mall of the Emirates. How's that for convenience!!!

3. Malls have food courts. Which is good. Sometimes. (Only if you have been starving for Indian food for example and have, somehow, missed ALL the Indian restaurants about town!) Else, the food courts are generally exorbitant and much like their Indian counterparts, are abuzz with a strange din that dissipates the minute you get 2 meters away from the boundary! There is also, in all likelihood a clamour for seats. So grab yours (Its allowed. Its not Europe for Heaven's sake!)

In food courts too you have to walk a lot and if you are an adventurous foodie, you may end up spending a larger part of your Mall experience in one of them (with cuisines from across the world being on offer together with numerous Salad, Soups, Juices, Ice Creams and what have you's thrown in!) and long queues to get your order. (Heartening to know somethings DON'T happen ONLY in India!!!)

4. The best thing about malls? The loos. I don't like to use the word 'restrooms' - it just sounds so haughty! Good, incredibly clean with all requisite needs for the job thrown in - they're a treat. And they use water too :-)

But leave aside all the ifs, buts and the troublesome will-make-you-lose-weight-or-end-up-murdering-your-feet negativities, Dubai Malls are grand and offer a unique experience.

Back to Ibn Battuta though, as we sat in Starbucks and sipped Cappuccino, this was the overhead view:

This is an enormous dome that has "a spectacular display of characteristic arabesque ornamentation based on the design of a Persian carpet."

Gorgeous! Worth visiting, isn't it?

The video is a collection of photos taken in Ibn Battuta... Enjoy!

Joy of Giving - Week 19 - Card 19

2012-01-16T12:36:00.000+05:30

To all my Joy of Giving companions, this week the card is an easy one - For Our World.

A few weeks ago, I ended up feeding a litter of stray pups for 2-3 days. But I won't recount that as my Joy of Giving experience.

I would like to follow this card "from the beginning" as it were. I realised that I had been taking a few shortcuts (like recounting the reconnection with a cousin from three years ago instead of saying Sorry to someone I broke a bridge with recently - I am working on that now) and I intend to get back in to the Giving Mode, in the HERE and NOW, right away.

This week I shall attempt to feed a couple of strays on the street (chicken and rice - boiled together without salt or any other seasoning - works for dogs) and post my experience here. This one sounds easy but is going to be tough for me because I am not an animal lover and birds scare me (Why? Read about it here...)

Hopefully with the help of my children who love all animals, even creepy crawlies, I will be able to give a lil Joy.... Please wish me luck!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, just follow the cards in the order they are posted!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week as they are posted on the blog.

Please REMEMBER to post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog. Do remember to tag me in your posts...

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past nineteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy...

Joy of Giving - Card 16 - Rahmath

2012-01-16T09:00:00.000+05:30

Unable to get into a workout regimen? Read Rahmath's post in response to the Joy of Giving Card 16. Walking with her husband every day has helped her in maintaining a workout routine AND given her the added bonus - spending more time with her better half! Now that would be a good reason for many to take up walking... :-)

Isn't walking a kind of Aerobic Exercise? If so hurray for me. I have done this. Actually the sunday just before Ritu uploaded this card ,i and my hubby had stared walking as a beginning exercise. Have you heard of 10000 steps a day Project. Well could you please Google it. I am feeling a bit lazy rt now. Anyhow 10000 steps seemed a bit too much to start. But, I got a pdf from the internet which gave me a "12 week beginner schedule" for walking. And I and hubby have been following the schedule for 13 days now.

Walking has helped me be a bit more active this winter. Not to mention how great i feel after the walk. It's a great time to talk about anything and everything under the sky with hubby. Those 15+ minutes are exclusively for us.No office, No computer, No Newspaper, No house work. Just us...Added Bonus.

Ritu had posted her experience and has inspired me to take a more strenuous routine. Maybe we will do it. Soon... But let's see how effective walking is first. Maybe I can start an additional routine twice thrice a week. That should work rt?

Joy of Giving - Card 17 - Rahmath

2012-01-15T16:03:00.003+05:30

Rahmath who has been following the Joy of Giving wrote this on her blog for Card 17:

The card that Ritu posted on 2.1.2012 was "Visit a place of worship other than your own".

I think I will pass this one. Why?

I have visited my fair share of churches, temples,mosques and recently I visited a Gurudwara. I would like to visit a Budhdhist temple someday though I don't know of any nearby. I feel I have already completed the purpose of the card. The best prayer which arose in my heart was in the foot hills of the himalayas, where there was no shrine of any religion, at sight. Personally I am on my way of rejecting organised religion of any form. Recently I declared to a perfect stranger who was trying to persuade me to do something religious that I did not beleive in any religion.

She said " Oh that's bad"

I said "Oh no, its good .I am secular."

I cannot tell you how liberated I felt . I have never done that before. Don't get me wrong. I am a theist; maybe, even a die hard one. But I no longer beleive in any kind of man made boundaries. But again, I am not against Atheism.

This Rambling reminded me of a post I wrote for fun when I was thinking about the impact of religion in our lives. If you liked what I wrote in the previous paragraphs maybe you will like to read that post too. Maybe you will enjoy it.

Rahmath, you're not alone. My husband and I desist from filling up the 'Religion' column on all sorts of forms (the only one we couldn't avoid was the Passport application). But in the admission forms of schools, even in my own college application, for the MA I pursued after my marriage, I refused to fill the religion column. When compelled, I write Indian.

I am proud that after years of conditioning my daughter has also begun responding to the Religion questions with an 'I am Indian' refrain.

Not because we don't take pride in being Hindus. But our Nation, the Motherland comes before our religion for us. SO I understand your sentiment and believe that each of us, especially Indians, were to adopt the 'I am an Indian First" stance (without compromising our religions or personal equations with the Maker), we'd make the world a better place!

Joy of Giving - Card 18 - Laying the Foundation

2012-01-12T22:00:00.001+05:30

When I first started writing, this blog was my place to vent. But through this virtual Dear Diary I have met some incredible people. Strangers who have joined me from the unknown.... I have been enriched by their friendships, their experiences and their lives.

When I read the following post (written in response to Card 18) in my Inbox I was completely tongue tied. I know this person but she chooses to remain anonymous. I respect her wish and with her permission share this post with you.

I also applaud her for her action. Reaching out and renewing a bond broken after a heartbreak is NOT easy. Kudos to her!

A long time ago I was influenced by a story in Women’s era about a widow who regretted that the last words spoken to her husband were that of anger and I had decided that I would profit from her lesson. So how much ever I and my friends or relatives fought I made sure that when we parted, the bridge was always there. If it was not, I persisted subtlely to build it and then slowly let go, once the way was open. It was not necessary that we always remained in touch but anytime we wanted to talk, there was nothing to stop us …that was the criteria.

But there was this one person who became an exception. Trying to keep the bridges on became very difficult and frankly speaking I had cut this person out of life and thrown her out because it was very difficult being a positive person with her around ( and the funny thing is she was technically not around.The brdidge was broken and burnt. So, You can imagine her hold on me and how important she was to me.After all she was my elder sister).

Whenever she hurt me directly or indirectly ( because she was against my marriage ) I used to lash out at my hubby. For one whole year my anger would be directed to him like fire and like the snow he would accept it in all it’s rage and calm me down. Bless this man my readers, and bless this man’s parents for moulding him like this. Any other person would have distanced himself from me. One day, when i couldnot take it anymore, I decided , Enough is enough. This person is not worth it. The rage has to be directed to the one who is deserving and not my husband.

That night I ranted and raved like a mad lunatic screaming at that imaginary person with all my senses with my husband holding me close to his heart until I had removed all the poison in my mind.

Once I had closure I could take a deep breath. After that I have never tried to initiate any contact with her. I used to know about her through others. Prayed for her like I normally did but that’s it. No longer was that person a part of my soul. No longer did she have any influence in my feelings. I was content with the situation. I was extremly happy ..I am extremly happy. I have my sister in my memories which are untainted. And for now truly speaking i am content in that.

And then comes this card. "Be the first one to say sorry". My first impression was “Hey , I don’t have anyone like that and then I remembered her.” I went in a turmoil. Should I do this? Even when a small part of me thought of saying sorry for hurting her due to my actions many other parts of me would squish that part of me down saying “ Why the hell should you say sorry????. You marrying someone you like is wrong but she wanting you to live your whole life in misery is right? Have you forgotten how she behaved to you? Have you forgotten how unjust she was??? What are you so sorry for?” and things like this. But this card is giving me strength to give importance to that tiny part of me whcih still wants to be the better me.

I cannot judge for what she did to me just like I cannot ask forgiveness for doing what I believed to be right but I can ask sorry for the pain she underwent for my sake. How much ever I think my decision is justified and her reaction is not, it is not for me to judge her pain. Pain, after all, is Pain. Who are we to judge whose is more? So I wrote to her,

Clean and straight with no ifs,buts , becauses, and no explanations …. All that is not of consequence….But it was very difficult to write it.

In short i told sorry for the hurt i caused her through my actions. I did not explain nor justify. That was the toughest. I was as well doing it. I thought i might as well give her the total satisfaction.

I am not going to wait for reply. the pessimist and the real me does not expect anything good. I wanted to write about this before any second thoughts. Anyhow if not the bridge, atleast the rocks for the foundation has been laid.

Pray for us....

Ithaca - Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

2012-01-12T21:56:00.000+05:30

I want to imbibe this. Enjoy the journey. Stop fretting over the failures. The journey itself is the reward.

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean

Joy of Giving - Week 18 - A tale

2012-01-11T22:06:00.002+05:30

Once, way back in 2008, I wrote about it on this very blog. About the trepidation I'd felt when I found the profile of a dear brother (cousin) on the recently-hyped FaceBook and didn't have the guts to send him a message. He responded to my post, wrote a long reply in my comment box, much to my surprise because I didn't know he even knew I had a blog or an existence in the virtual world.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we met up - he drove down to Pune with his wife from Bombay - and began the process of building the bridge we'd broken.

More than three years hence, we catch up with each other once in a while (mostly Whatsapp), and after the initial Mr Goody Two Shoes behaviour (which lasted till May 2011), he is back to being the cuz I knew growing up - sarcastic, mocking and weird.

But I am not complaining!

Because see, the thing about attempting to build the bridge again is also that we tend to put on appearances; perhaps to impress the other person (with our maturity - because heck, it IS the maturity that brought to us to the point where we reconnected in the first place!), not rudely shock the person we haven't been in touch with for years (and let them exclaim, "you haven't changed one darn bit"), or may be we are still getting used to the idea of having this person back in our lives and think that being 'nice' or 'not our real selves' can cushion the blow they may feel when they realise that we REALLY haven't changed in all these years!!!!

Either ways, it isn't easy renewing a relationship, especially if it has ended on a not-so-happy note.

But every time I receive a cynical, 'below-the-belt' kinda message from the cuz I smile. Took three years but he is back!!! :-)

Joy of Giving - Card 18 experience

2012-01-11T21:28:00.001+05:30

I got this anonymous long note in the comment box yesterday.... A beautiful tale of reconnecting and renewing an estranged friendship...

It was many moons ago that I, walked away from a beautiful friendship, the result of some impulsive and immature reactions.

We were good and thick friends who shared lots of common interests, music being the major one. He was naturally talented and played the guitar like a wiz. In fact he was the one who taught me the basics of playing this instrument, that I, to this day cherish. We also shared a wacky sense of humour, and that too bonded us well because it wasn't easy to find people to laugh at our jokes or understand our so called wit! There was no count to the number of evenings we just spent time together, that often extended to the night and the next day morning, talking, singing, sharing a drink or two.

He was also good friends with this lovely girl, an erstwhile colleague of his. He introduced me to her. I fell in love with this lass and courted her into submission. Blinded by the love, what I failed to notice or understand was that, he too was besotted, in love with the same girl. A classic bollywood 'love triangle'. And when I did come to know, my reactions too were on the same lines. Harsh words, lots of drama and a broken friendship. No, two broken friendships, because I caused the break up of two other good friends.

As years aged me, and possibly wisened me too a bit, I realised the stupidity of my actions every time I revisited those times in my head. My sense of misplaced outrage was because “he dared to fall in love with my girl!” Arrogance of youth and immature passions can block reasonable thoughts. Little did I give weight to the fact that love sees no season or reason. Nor it is a crime. I did not give credit to the fact that may be I was the one who shattered his dreams.
Because, they were friends much before I came into the picture. And if I could fall in love with her in such a short duration of knowing her, why couldn’t he have, earlier on itself? I remember vividly, asking him “Why couldn’t you tell me earlier! When I opened up to you first about my feelings for her?” I would have backed off even if he had hinted about it. Unfortunately, events turned out such that my anger and distress at the breach of trust overpowered all other senses and plunged that friendship to doom.

On many an occasion I have rued my actions, at being immature and destructively impulsive. I have hence, really tried to be mellow, to avoid judgmental actions that create unnecessary wedges between family and friends. It takes a lot to make me angry now. I’m also doing my best to control the odd bursts of temper tantrums, but it’s a work in progress.
Much time had already elapsed, enough to fade out those memories when FB threw up an opportunity to make amends. Recently, an innocuous 'friend suggestion' brought my lost friend fresh into mind. After lots of self introspection and deliberation, I suppressed my ego and I messaged him and we reconnected. That was the first step. My first brick, to build that broken bridge. There is a real sense of lightness in me now. As though, I let go of some burden which I was subconsciously carrying. Happier still, that lovely girl, who is now my wife, has also reconnected with him. This time I introduced him to her.

Joy of Giving - Card 17 experience

2012-01-10T07:30:00.000+05:30

Just Someone - as I have mentioned time and again - has been a fervent supporter of this blog right from its inception in 2003. He is now a Joy of Giving partner with me! He has no presence any where in the virtual world and when he writes his experiences, I take his permission and reproduce them here...

His Joy of Giving Card 17 experience -
Hi - After a long break from gym, I was finding excuses every evening - not to go back to the gym and fermented the excuses in my mind to make them compelling....

This has been going on for quite a few days... Two days back, I had found another reason to postpone the gym session to 'tomorrow' and then I read your blog... Your blog made me realise what I was running away from... packed my gym bag and went... and then felt very good about it... Thank you for the push...

Joy of Giving - Card 18 - Week 18

2012-01-09T16:38:00.001+05:30

At some point in our lives, all of us have broken bridges. We have walked away from people, friends, relationships for reasons that need not be matters of debate and most of us have never looked back.

Many of us believe we are invincible and we have an ego that doesn't allow us to forgive and move on. Most often we end up keeping that bridge broken, stubbornly refusing to mend it, by reaching out, and apologising or forgiving or both.

This week, the Joy of Giving card extolls us to say Sorry and mend old relationships.

I love this card and I shall shortly recount exactly why!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week.

Post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past Eighteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 16 - Experience

2012-01-04T16:32:00.000+05:30

I have always battled weight issues. As a child I was thin. But somewhere along the way as I grew up, weight became a problem. I have written a lot about my weighty problems and my struggles... Have reproduced two of them at the end of this post.

I am still overweight. On the scale. I say "On the scale" because I look like I have only flab on my body, but fact is I have a lot of muscles too. I have excellent stamina and capacity for hard work (physical labour).

All this is thanks to my workout regimen.

I have been an avid gym goer for the past five years and although I haven't lost as much weight (on the scale) as I ought to have, I have lost oodles of inches. It has helped elevate my confidence and made the clothes I love wearing, look a whole lot better :-) Recently I have also added Yoga to my routine, three times a week.

So when I, before I left for the XMas vacation, picked this card for the last week of the year, I was happy. Happy because I would get to share the secret of my fitness regimen with my friends. And perhaps inspire somebody to take up an exercise routine they find comfortable.

If you knew the story of my fat-fit-fat-almost fit life, you'd wonder how someone as lazy as me even gets to the gym almost 5 days a week and works so hard that most people are in awe of the workout routine I follow.

I will cut the long story short and simply say, I decided that I was okay with the fat on my body (a lot of it is genetics, a lot to do with stress and and a lot more to do with unhealthy eating habits), but I was not okay being unhealthy. The prevalence of diabetes and heart disease in my paternal family, the struggles my mom had endured running to hospitals while my dad lay in the ICU recuperating from a heart attack (and eventually a by-pass surgery), the medications, instilled in me a resolve to do something to remain healthy.

So I, the one person who completely loathes routine of any kind, made a lifestyle change. I decided that I would do some sort of physical exercise at least 5 times a week, for as long as I live.

Thus came into picture my gym - world famous in Pune - Talwalkars. I have stuck to the regimen and although I took a short sabbatical a few years ago, I got back to my gym with gusto as soon as I felt my stamina depleting.

I don't need to spell out the benefits of a workout. But I will say to all my friends out there who have a reasonable excuse to skip any sort of workout regimen (be it a gym, daily walks, a treadmill at home, yoga, pilate, dancing, swimming, aerobics or what have you) just like I did for many many years, we need to incorporate exercise as an un-missable part of our lives.

Lifestyle change. Any sort of exercise routine must be made part of our daily lives - not something we do because we want to lose weight before a wedding in the family, a party or some such "special" occasion. It should become like that cup of tea/coffee in the morning that we cannot do without. It should have a space in our lives, much like the time we take out to commute to our workplaces, or the time we spare for TV viewing everyday.

To indulge in some sort of exercise routine simply means to spare some "me" time; time for ourselves. As a woman I know that most of us refuse to take time out to pamper or indulge ourselves in the smallest ways possible. So sparing 1-1.5 hours everyday for a workout may sound impossible. But it won't be impossible if, as I mentioned earlier, we make it 'part' of our lives. Like the 8 hour sleep we need. Or the four course dinner we HAVE to make for the family. Part of us.

And the need to spare some time for exercise also includes the men. Health is definitely wealth regardless of our genders.

To conclude this ramble, I raise a toast to the Card of Week 16 and hail it as a MUST DO for all of us! Hope you follow it too...

Leaving you with two snippets from my old blog on the same subject. The first one is inspiring and the second - well...it is about the "excuses" I believed in before I thought enough is enough!

2 December 2005

Nearly all of us will accept that we overlook our personal health and its upkeep. Giving into a temptation once in an odd way is acceptable. But most of us eat unhealthy food out of sheer habit than necessity. Incorporating a work out into a full fledged routine is an arduous task too, given our lack of time. So we end up battling the cellulite deluge.

Most of us give up. Fat is not good for our self esteem and confidence. But it is EASY; easy to accept, easy to live with, easier to grow.

Take me, for example. I am a working mother of two who has had to fight the bulge ever since I can remember. As a child, my mother enrolled me in a dance class that helped me keep fit. As the pressure of excelling academically grew, I stopped training in Bharatnatyam and grew in size. My height just refused to beat the mark it is at even today.

In college, I managed to keep a 26 inch waist and a 46 kilogram weight, perfect for my 5 feet one inch petite frame, only because I survived on one meal a day. It took its toll on my complexion which my north Indian relatives blamed on the tropical south Indian sun!

Then I got married. For many years I tried hard to get into a work out routine. But it never worked out! And hell, how was I to keep away from food when I was cooking it? My battle with the bulge was back with a vengeance. All hell broke loose when I became pregnant with my first child.

Needless to say, I haven’t been able to turn back the hands of time since. Two kids later and numerous efforts at “diet control”, dieting, fad diets and once-a-year dance stints with Shiamak Davar have yielded nothing. I have reached a weight that I hate to comprehend even to myself.

That I belonged to a family with a history of diabetes and heart disease, failed to make me overtly conscious or instill a fear of the inevitable. I took shelter under the advise my gynecologist sister-in-law offered me, that a 10% increase in body weight after child birth was considered normal for women. 20% for two kids. I was a little over the 20% mark but I reckoned it was not something to lose sleep over or avoid the lip smacking strawberry pastry for. I realize now, that by merely taking cover, I was not taking charge.

Cut to the present.

The easy routine at my work place has seen me frequent a gym at least thrice a week. But the results are yet to show. Because I lack the motivation to work out as much as I can; I am willing to skip it on the smallest pretext. I also lack the self control required to say NO to a cheesy pizza or the regular rajma-chawal. It is also slowly dawning on me that as I grow older, not only will this fat become a permanent entity; it will certainly get added onto. It is scaring the hell out of me, but….just not enough.

I am not happy with the way my weight is, but I am willing to compromise. My complexion is not that bad! I guess I have also gotten used to people telling me that I am not that fat; and that I carry my weight well. As my husband always says, (which I think all husbands who love their wives say, even at the cost of sounding like liars and fibbers) “a little fat looks good on you.”

Quite frankly, who in the world wants to question such love?

One year after I wrote this, I turned my life around by sparing one hour at least 5 days a week for MY health and happiness.

Believe me, its do-able!

Joy of Giving - Week 17 - Card 17

2012-01-02T11:05:00.000+05:30

Welcome to the Joy of Giving in 2012 - a glorious New Year for us to make new beginnings, leave the baggage of the past behind and get a fresh perspective on life!

There is something about the act of picking a card at random from the deck of 52. Somehow, the cards that spring out are full of surprises and suitable for the week coming ahead.

In this New Year, what better card can we have, than the following one?

In this world of increasing intolerance and religious fanaticism, this should serve as a reminder of how all faiths are ultimately aimed at the same thing - to make us better humans, inspire us to follow the path of humanity, tolerance, love and brotherhood.

Hope we actually follow this card and write our experiences.

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past fifteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 15 - Alka

2011-12-28T13:32:00.002+05:30

My friend and fellow blogger, an ardent supporter of the Joy of Giving series ever since it began 16 weeks ago has written a beautiful post on a teacher who inspired her in response to the week 15 card -

A Teacher Affects Eternity

Last week Ritu posted another ‘Joy of Giving’ card. She told us to write a thank you note to a teacher who inspired us the most. I have hardly met any teacher during school days who seemed remotely inspiring. They were more like came into class, lectured us and went out. Their interaction with students were non existent.

I remember, if there was any cultural function or debate in the school, I had never seen a notice on board. It was never announced, It was assumed that those students who were participating since KG class will only be fit to participate. A girl came and whispered something into the teacher’s ear. Teacher would call out one or two names and quietly they went out of the class. Later on we would come to know that they were participating into some event. I resented those facts so much but too young to know what to do. Later on in my life, When I was teaching myself, I took special care not to be my school teachers who were cold, indifferent and distant.

During my post graduation and B. Ed days I met two teachers who were really teachers. We were no longer kids in post-graduation class. But Prof. L. B. Verma were so inspiring and motivating as a teacher. Prof Verma’s teaching subject was history, but one day he was effortlessly explaining us how our brain works! I have already written about Sharma Sir here : Merely A Teacher?

I don’t know where Prof. L.B. Verma is right now. But I will always be grateful to him for treating the subject history the way it should be treated. Whatever understanding I have of history, is solely due to his way of teaching.

I remember students of other branches also came to listen to his usual lectures. Ha! Ha! Ha! A student doesn’t listen to his own …. If there was no place to sit in the class, students preferred to stand at the back of the class and listened to him.

Its because of Prof. L. B. Verma that I have a bit of understanding of a common man’s fight against mighty empires. History is not about Emperors and their victories but History is about how mere common men defeated mighty emperors and all pervasive church priests. How common men had to make supreme sacrifice only then formidable emperors and churches had to give up their power to the common man in the form of democracy. Mankind didn’t get democracy on a platter at all. When Anna Hazare says a common man doesn’t know the power of his vote, it means our history teachers have failed miserably to teach us what is the power of our vote and how important it is for us.

Later on, when I was teaching history to my class, I hope I was able to arouse a bit of interest in history too to my students. I don’t know where Prof. L. B. Verma is today. But I know one fact, “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Its really true when I think about Verma sir.

Joy of Giving - Week 16 - Card 16

2011-12-26T10:54:00.000+05:30

The card for the Christmas weekend could be the perfect prelude to a New Year's resolution!

I am so happy my son picked this one, because I actually do both - exercise and yoga! Have been working out in the gym for over 5 years and began Yoga about a month ago...

So those of you my friends have been contemplating taking up some form of exercise, do attempt to follow this card:

Here's wishing all of you the very best! Hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Very Very Happy New Year!!!

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past sixteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 15 - Guardian Angels

2011-12-20T17:21:00.000+05:30

When I came across this post from my older blog I thought it is perfect for the Joy of Giving Card 15. Simply because, the feelings have remained unchanged since I first wrote this some time in 2008 (and have only grown) and reproducing this one also helps me bring one of my heart felt posts back from the gallows where it lies defunct in a blog manager I can no longer access.

So this is my Thank You note to Mama, Mami, Vimala didi and Anandhi. You have meant more to me than 'family' as I was growing up and even these words actually fail to express what you meant to me...

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand;

the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.

George Eliot (1819 - 1880)

Sometimes a life time can pass by before you have the chance to tell a few special people what they mean to you, how they have influenced you, how they have made you feel…and how very much you miss them.

I don’t want to lose this chance…because I completely agree with Mr Eliot, and want to tell my Angels, I know you.....

I was a difficult child growing up…spoilt thoroughly by my parents who doted on their first born. Apparently, as a two or three year old, I would refuse to sleep at night, and my parents would pop us in the car, take me on a LONG drive, until I would fall asleep…which could be for an hour or more. That’s in 1976, when cars were few and fuel was some paise to a litre.

My birthdays were celebrated in STYLE. My parents would call everyone they know, and the guest list would often run into a hundred plus. The party would be lavish, with catering and the jazz of a wedding celebration. The spectacle continued as my brothers arrived and was brought to an end when we grew up and started demanding our “private” parties with friends.

My wishes were almost always fulfilled unless they were particularly absurd. I made my first trip abroad as a 16 year old, part of a package tour to Singapore for 10 days, ALONE. My dad did not blink an eyelid as I travelled unaccompanied, with 1000 USD CASH in my hands to spend. I had the most rollicking time of my life!

My parents never raised a hand on me… I don’t remember my mother ever shouting at me, even though I bunked classes at Junior College to go for a movie. I was allowed to drive my dad’s car at 18. I would fly to Mumbai (from Cochin) unaccompanied for vacations, as young as 6 years of age.

Guess I should stop it now. But you get the picture anyways, right?

Through all this pampering and lavish upbringing, it was easy to get carried away. I could have turned out like most of my cousins, talking money and status all the time; treating people without money with contempt. I could have made jewellery, clothes etc the pre occupation of my being. I could have decided to marry rich, enjoy the riches, because riches made you who you are…in “that” world.

But I turned out different and I can only attribute that to my Guardian Angels.

They kept me grounded…with their simplicity. I grew to appreciate people for who they are, not what they wear, the car they drive (or don’t drive), or their jewellery. I grew to understand the importance of education. I saw that happiness was not in possessing material goods. It was in being satisfied with what you have. People see me as a down-to-earth person without hang ups. I give the credit to my Guardian Angels for helping me become so.

They inspired me with their intelligence…and their hard work. I was committed to prove I could master Mathematics, my academic Waterloo throughout school, and come out with flying colours at the Class X Board Exams, only because of the guidance and inspiration I received from them.

They flattered me with their praise as I would make knick knacks out of things, or laud my drawing/painting skills in front of their own guests. They celebrated my happiness on winning Elocution at school as much as my parents did (may be even more).

They took me in as part of their family, just as they did my brothers later on. On Navaratri, I would deck up in a ‘pawadai’ (traditional ankle length skirt) and place a string of jasmine in my hair to serve the guests. During Saraswati pooja, I would place my books at the altar in their home. I was part of their wedding celebrations and knew most of their relatives by name.

I would eat at least one meal a day (if possible) at their place and if given the opportunity would have loved to have a sleep over every night. My day would be incomplete without meeting them and pouring out the day’s events to them (preferably over a meal).

I could do all that, because we lived in the same compound, housing three homes and a commercial establishment. As time went on, the Didis got married and moved away. Mama and Mami (Uncle and Aunt respectively, in Tamil) continued to share that home where we would pop in time and again, to grab small chatter, and certainly Mami’s delicious hot ‘kaapi’.

Mama passed away a few years ago, and Mami does not live in that house anymore. For me, a trip to Cochin is incomplete without dropping in to see Mami and grabbing a meal there, followed by kaapi. I miss Mama and can only imagine how he would have pulled my leg or played with my kids. I still remember his full bodied smile as he would mercilessly pull my leg by mispronouncing my (best) friend’s name, knowing how irritated I would get.

I have the sweetest memories of a happy and carefree childhood, brought to life each time I meet the family, as they animatedly discuss my idiosyncrasies as a child. It is like going through LIVE memoirs of my early years…making me thank God for handing me over to this family.

Thank You falls short for what I wish to express. And yet I will say, THANK YOU my Guardian Angels.

Joy of Giving - Card 14 experience

2011-12-20T12:00:00.000+05:30

My friend and a supporter of this blog Just Someone has written the following about his experience with card 14. So inspiring! I am taking a cue from him and even though I cannot stop my mind from wavering (even during Yog Nidra), I am going to try and focus on happy thoughts for 15 minutes a day!

Hi I have been trying to do this almost everyday and found out that this helps.
Since it was ( still - is ) not possible to control the wavering thoughts totally, I decided that I would let my mind drift - on thoughts,people,incidents that makes/made me happy.I realised
1.that troubles always are more forceful in invading your mind than happy thoughts.
2.That with some effort it was possible to focus my mind on what made me happy... what i enjoyed...to think of the people whom i loved being with...to think of someone's smile... ( and yeah I need to add that sex was also a thought which helped me focus in one of the sessions :-) )
I love this card... and am trying to make it a part of my day

A Tale from Gastronome

2011-12-20T09:30:00.000+05:30

Every country has its food habits. And every country has its guest etiquettes. The geographical distinctness of our vast motherland has allowed different cultures to thrive within its fold. Apart from the variation in cuisines, the treatment to guests also varies. I have the unique distinction of being a north Indian who was brought up in the furthest corner of south India and who subsequently married a south Indian. My insight into the way guests are treated in different parts of the country stems from my experiences.

In north India for example, it is considered detriment to the image as a welcoming host if their guests are not treated to foods cooked in clarified butter, with more than the required peppering of spices or sweet meats prepared with refined sugar and garnished with dry fruits. Not a thought is spared for the unfortunate guest who may be on a diet, may be unused to such food and may therefore be unable to digest it. This hospitality called ‘khatirdaari’ in Hindi is an essential part of the north Indian’s guest etiquettes, especially amongst the Marwari / Baniya communities and Punjabis.

Down south in a typical Malayali Christian household, breakfast may consist of steak, rice, the traditional sambar, poriyals (curries), idlis/puttu, chicken curry, prawn curry/fish curry, with an egg dish thrown in. I considered this to be a layout of mammoth proportions and as a child growing up in Kerala, I was often amazed by the sight. As I would take my seat at the dining table, I would imagine my friend and his family to be gigantic gluttons.

Sometimes it is the quantity of food he is expected to consume rather than the quality or variety that makes the guest feel like he is trapped in an underground mine. It happened to me when my husband and I dropped by at my sister-in-law’s place for lunch many years ago. She is married to a Telugu and had at that point just given birth to her twin boys. That my sister-in-law lived with her own parents-in-law had not seemed like double jeopardy to me. I have smartened up since then!

A brief background to the episode will be prudent here. My hubby and I were newly weds. As mentioned earlier, I am a north Indian and hubby from the south of India. Apart from the differences in our language and culture, we were often cross examined on the food I cooked. I was accused by his relatives of feeding my tam-bram (tamilian brahmin) husband rotis and chappatis, while my own set of relatives pitied me for switching to rice as staple food. That we were a multi cuisine couple who enjoyed rice and rotis just as well as pasta and falafals, could never be fathomed by any of them.

Anyway, so getting back to that afternoon, since I was a new bride, my sister-in-law’s in-laws took it upon themselves to introduce me to Andhra cuisine and the manner of eating it. I was forewarned by the authoritarian father-in-law that leftovers would mean disrespect to my hosts. As soon as we were seated on the dining table aunty (mom-in-law) served each of us an enormous plate of vegetable biryani. I used to be a small eater then and half way through the biryani I felt rather full. But I endeavoured to finish each morsel remembering the ominous warning I had received at the outset of the meal.

When aunty cleared the plates, I heaved an inward sigh of relief knowing that I had passed the test with flying colours. As we indulged in more small talk, aunty placed another plate before each of us. I looked up at her and wondered why anyone would serve dessert in a dinner plate. As I gloated over my table etiquettes and their lack of it, I saw aunty walk in with a few dishes. To my horror, the dishes did not contain varieties of dessert, but an entire meal.

Thereafter I was lead through the course of a proper Andhra meal that consisted of an unbelievable quantity of rice; Rice with pickle, followed by rice with curry, rice with sambar, rice with rasam and lastly, rice with curd. By this time, I was smilingly stuffing each morsel of food down my gullet and cursing my small appetite. I managed to survive the attack on my stomach, but only after I had firmly refused the curd-rice-with-mashed-banana combination. Despite my south Indian upbringing, rice with banana constitutes a meal faux pas for me.

This onslaught was followed by dessert consisting of four gulab jamuns. I was too shy to refuse the plate and looked beseechingly at my hubby. He performed the superman act and reminded aunty in Telugu that a bride could only eat so much. Despite uncle’s protests, I managed to get away with two gulab jamuns.

As we bade farewell to the in-laws and in-laws, I thanked God for my stupendous gullet control that held me in good stead till we reached our hotel; where I threw up the afternoon’s effort, literally down the drain!

Four letter words

2011-12-19T12:42:00.000+05:30

Nah! This one is not about THE four letter words most commonly used by most people, including me... This one's about the four letter words that have suddenly become the most common words in my vocabulary

Life
Love
Hate
Hope
Feel
Care
Fear
Tear
Rude
Poop

When I sat down to introspect what each of these words means to me, I also realised that many of them have changed in its meaning for me over the years.

Hope, for example. I was an ardent optimist, someone who was brave and took every challenge that life offered head-on, with gumption and with fortitude. Increasingly, my hope is dwindling. I do 'pretend' to be happy and hopeful, to continue maintaining the charade of being strong, but somewhere deep inside I am not as confident and hopeful as I used to be. And yet. And yet, I know...that I will find hope again. Soon (Hello- new four letter word!)

Care is also a word whose meaning has changed over the years. I believe I was care-free for too long and suddenly, after the lapse of all these years (which has resulted in the greying of certain hair, and an advancement in age nearing the big Four O's) when I have found my self as a woman I am being labelled selfish and careless. Statements like You don't "care" (about my loved ones) etc have become an increasing part of what I often hear. I care and even though no one believes me yet, in a few years, they will know (another smiling four letter word... How I love you!)

But over the years, there have been some remarkable achievements. Such as - hate as a word has moved positions in my life. I don't hate anyone as easily as I used to (when I was younger, ignorant and more egoistic).... I may "not like" a person or circumstance, but the word "hate" has virtually diminished from my life.

Come to think of it, even though a certain dog in my building peed into my waste bin which was lying outside my door for pick up, and I had to dispose it (the pee) off before I gave the waste bin away I still don't hate the owner for not keeping the pet under their control, for not even having the guts to apologise for the canine's behaviour, even though they were certainly with him when the act happened (as he is never let out alone, his master/s always accompany him). I just don't like them anymore...and make no attempts at civil conversations in the elevator... It also means that I need to work on "forgive" but thats a seven letter word and I am not discussing that today!

And then there is "rude"...which is what I have to endure as my tween daughter grows up (to metamorphose into a better human being, I am sure)... Every single suggestion, "Can you pls clean up your room?", "Can we have this-this for dinner?" is met with a rude response... I also put up with it, because as much as I'd like to kid myself into believing that I didn't behave this way with my mother, I know that I did. And I see myself behaving the way my mother did, being calm, firm and even joking about it. The humour dissipates the situation, and I find that I am also offering retribution to my own wonderful mother by following in her footsteps as I handle a brat just like myself!

Speaking of childhood, my mother always called me "Varsha Ritu" (Rainy season)...because according to her, I was always either crying or angry! I have tried to change that. I have worked on my anger and the tears and although most people who know me very closely would probably say I haven't succeeded much in either department, I believe I have made certain strides. I do cry, often and a lot when I am hurt or heartbroken (but then who doesn't!)...but I have learned to control my temper. The problem is that I don't control it with people my own age but only with children, especially my own.

Last but not the least (and on a hopefully lighter note) I recently had the good fortune of cleaning up dog poop when my daughter decided to get pups of a stray dog home for two days. Until now, I have kept away from having a pet because after spending close to nine years cleaning human poop, pee and puke (hands-on mothers - you DO know what I am talking about!), I'd kinda had had enough of the Ps and was completely unwilling to take on the responsibility of a canine, which I have been told comes with its fair share of the Ps... I am sort of averse to the Ps which is also why I use gloves to wash the fish bowl, got the maid to clean up the mess a pigeon nest had created on my window sill and feel a surge of bile in my throat when I have to clean up bird poop from my terrace... But handling those three pups made me fall in love with them. And I do think we shall pick up a pet soon, despite the 'fear' of the Ps...

In a seemingly telling tale of the process of evolution, I'd like to think I have grown wise (another four letter word) as my vocabulary has grown to fit in more and more four letter words. I have also grown a tad cynical, which I feel the turning wheels of time shall also repair eventually... All in all, four letter words, I welcome more of you in my life even as I say goodbye to some...

Joy of Giving - Card 15 - Week 15

2011-12-19T11:32:00.002+05:30

For all my friends who are walking with me on this journey called Joy of Giving, here is the card for this week

I have many updates on some previous cards that I shall post during the course of the week.

As for this card, it is sad but I don't remember a single teacher from school or college who really left a lasting impression on me... However, many other individuals have influenced me in very dramatic ways, been my teachers and guiding lights and I shall write a thank you letter to each of them...

New to the Joy of Giving? Here's what you can do:

Go to the page titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

OR

To join the Joy of Giving right away just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past fifteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 13 experience

2011-12-14T23:17:00.000+05:30

Rahmath recently started following the Joy of Giving cards and wrote this on her blog about her experience with Card 13.

When I first read it, I smiled from ear to ear. Here is a girl who is making a sincere attempt to do things not in her nature to do otherwise and I cannot but applaud her for it. So Rahmath dear, I give you the Determination Award I have instituted to encourage bloggers to participate in the Joy of Giving. You are swimming against the tide and I support and applaud your efforts!

Do post it on your blog :-)

And Rahmath, I totally agree when you say "You know even though the cards say you are doing it for strangers, I think these cards help us give happiness to ourselves more."

I did it!. I actually did it again!

Yes, compared to Week 12 JGC of handing over 10 inspirational quotes to strangers; Week 13 card of making chai for your night watchman, was easy. But, it would be a lie to say my heart did not race at the thought of just handing out tea to someone I have never even seen the face. (I know…..sad).

There he was standing, doing his job, watching the street dog and her kids play . Haha he might not have even noticed someone watching him like a hawk .(that was me). I waited till 10:00 pm but then, I watched him check if all the cars in our lane were locked or not. He was moving away from our house. But I knew he would come back. I planned everything to the moment, even the dialogues. When I saw him nearing; I ran down.

“Bhaiyya” I called out to him slowly.
“Meinea thodi chai banayee hain, piyogea?”
(Translated to …”Brother” (We call everybody not related, brother) “I have made some tea , Would you like to have some?).

He was surprised .It was apparent in his eyes. He did not smile. But then he looked like those father types men serious and straight, who rarely showed pleasure or pain outside that much.
“Tand hain. Garam kuch hain tho zaroor piyengea.”
(Translated : Its cold here. If there is something hot , I will surely drink).

I ran back home, poured the hot hot tea in a glass , ran back and gave it to him. Then I came back with the greatest grin in my face and told my husband with a giggly dance. “I did it”. “I did it”.

Surprised but smiling he asked, “You actually did it?” He is one person who knows how much of a scaredy puss I actually am. I am so glad I have him. He never dampens my excitement even when I do anything at all. I nodded happily.

I was so excited, I couldn’t sleep. I can do this again. I can do this again. After drinking the tea the watchman just kept the glass outside our stairs. I couldn’t ask him if he liked my tea. But I am satisfied.

You know even though the cards say you are doing it for strangers, I think these cards help us give happiness to ourselves more.

And don’t you think it’s our duty to ourselves, to do things that make us happy?; because only then, can we make others happy.

Hence, Highly recommended to try them out!

Joy of Giving - Card 13 experience

2011-12-14T18:16:00.000+05:30

My friend and fellow blogger Alka wrote this on FB for the Joy of Giving card 13!

She has been making tea for the security guards in her society for "selfish reasons" she says. Once you read what the selfish reason is, I assure you, you will be tempted to become just as 'selfish'.

I reproduce this with her permission. Read on:

I often used to make pot of tea for the security guards. I even bought thermos flasks for such purpose only. I used to put thermos at an appropriate place from where the security guards can spot it easily. I remember my niece TP was barely a year old at that time. I used to balance TP and tea-pot when I went out to give tea to security guard. One day, I was sitting and watching television when TP came towards me and said something to the tune of 'Gawd'. I was pretty confused what she wanted from me. I asked her to repeat what she was trying to convey. Frustrated with my lack of understanding, Toddler TP forced me to abandon TV and she tried to drag me to my bedroom. There she pointed towards my jacket and told me again, 'Gawd, cha'!!!! Then it struck to me, she wanted me to make tea, place her on my waist and have tea-pot in my other hand and hand it over to Guard!! How closely kids watch us is sometimes frightening.

Later on we shifted to another apartment. Here too, I used to make tea for security guards on and often. Even today, the guard came and handed me a fancy tea-pot. Sometimes they get spare milk from somewhere and ask me to make tea. Sometimes they get milk and sugar and ask for tea leaves only. These days, winter has set in suddenly and I try to give our security guards tea everyday.In fact we have 63 flats in our society. If residents of every flat provide guards with tea, their next turn will come after 2 months! But its too much to expect, I think.

I am not an altruistic person. When I do something like this, I have a very selfish reason. I want my surroundings to be pleasant and full of positive energy. Small acts like this fulfill my selfish purpose. Security guards always greet me cheerfully. They are more than happy to help me in our hour of need. One day my nephew was returning from office. It was quite late, in fact 2:30 AM. Street dogs were getting quite ferocious with him. He phoned me, stating his plight. I assured him, that I will pick him up. But when I tried to start my car, it refused to come to life. I went to the security guard and told him about the problem. He immediately told me not to worry. He narrated the entire incident to another guard. Told him to be vigil as he was going out for few minutes. He took his danda to scare away the dogs and came back with my nephew in five minutes!

Joy of Giving - Card 13 experience

2011-12-13T11:16:00.001+05:30

Candid confession - I am a bad tea maker!

Yes... During the days I lived in Delhi and my father visited us often, he would ensure that either he made the tea himself or got the maid to make it. The chai I'd brew would be impossibly bland (yeah! Imagine tea tasting bland...), and dad would always complain that it would either be too watery, too milky or just not boiled enough.

When I'd follow the instructions to make good (and palatable) chai (from mom over STD mind you!), the cup would never be full! I would end up brewing half a cup and would wonder where the damn water disappeared!!!!

Coffee on the other hand is so so simple to make (and drink!)

I don't drink tea (and lately I have stopped drinking coffee too - turned vegan) and always attributed my atrocious tea making skills to the fact that I didn't enjoy a cup of the Indian chai, brewed and boiled, milky and sugary.

I can of course make English tea (just have to boil water and the tea bag does the rest, or simply pour a teaspoon of tea powder in to the boiling water and cover till the flavour soaks in - easy peasy)...

Anyway to cut a long story short, I spent two whole days wondering how I will brew tea good enough to be consumed by the night security staff of my housing complex as part of the Joy of Giving card 13.

Last night, I just plunged into the act. I tried to follow my instincts...and actually stood there tapping on the platform as the tea boiled (hoping its boiled enough).

Brewing one cup has been a challenge for over 20 years, imagine I had to brew almost 20 cups!!! So I took an easy way out. Camouflaged the taste with cardamom and ginger .... And handed over the two flasks at the gate to the supervisor (who by the way, accepted them as if he is used to receiving chai from residents!).

In the morning I picked up the flasks and the cups and the supervisor wasn't there, but the other security men were all smiles; one even thanked me...

Whether they were simply happy that someone had chosen to give them tea on a winter night (its 11 degrees in Pune) or they actually enjoyed the taste, I won't know. But I am glad that 10 people I fed tea to, smiled afterwards :-)

Joy of Giving - Week 14 - Card 14

2011-12-12T14:01:00.001+05:30

Thought I need to stick to the New Card Every Monday schedule I followed in the early days of this exercise.

So here is the card for this week.

Personally I am capable of 'silence' but completely incapable of focussing on the silence. So I take up this card as a challenge. In the process I hope to learn to keep my mind from drifting during my tri-weekly yoga sessions.

I have added a new page to my blog titled Joy Of Giving where I have posted all the cards selected so far. Those of you who'd like to start this exercise from the beginning, do check it out, choose the card you like, and follow the instructions!

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past fourteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 12 experience

2011-12-12T10:52:00.001+05:30

I did it!

Gave away 5 leaves of the 10 Inspirational Quotes I'd created to 6 strangers; a couple, two girls and two guys... I was at a Mall yesterday and had carried the bunch of print outs with me...

I sort of 'picked' the people I gave the leaf to. The people I chose looked "at ease". They didn't seem to be pre-occupied or in a hurry. They actually stopped as I said "excuse me" and approached them, stood and heard me out and took the leaf from me happily...

Which is why I didn't give one to couples with kids (bad!). As all parents are, couples or a parent with children were pre-occupied, in a rush or on a short fuse. And I didn't want to hand over my precious leaf to someone who wouldn't have the time to go through it...or would just dump it...

Somehow, attaching an 'expectation' to how my leaf should be treated has also been a revelation of sorts for me... I mean I did "expect" some thing from complete strangers!!!! How human (and a gullible one at that) does that make me!

Which is perhaps the most important thing I have learned through the past 13 weeks. That each card I follow is not merely an act - there is a take away, a learning attached to every experience.

Letting go of my inhibition was difficult...but I had my kids to goad me on... And they also learned athing or two about approaching strangers. Most of all, I wasn’t feeling guiltyfor having snatched even a minute of their precious time....

I am happy happy!

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past thirteen weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Week 13 - Card 13

2011-12-09T09:36:00.001+05:30

Yes friends, we have another lovely Joy of Giving card this week 'For Strangers'....

Rahmath, I do believe this one is easy :-)

Hope all of you will also join in and spread the joy :-)

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past twelve weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 12

2011-12-09T08:49:00.001+05:30

This is the template of the 10 Inspirational Quotes I will give away to 10 strangers today and over the weekend.

It might look a little childish but I deliberately made it colourful to make people want to stick it up on their workstations, refrigerators or wherever.

Please feel free to download and take print outs to distribute. It is the thought that matters, not the copyright.... :-)

All grown up at 8!

2011-11-30T22:55:00.001+05:30

Well, I don't remember what was my 'level' of thinking at 8. All I recall is that I loved playing the mundane ghar-ghar games, hopscotch, painting/colouring etc... The thought of 'boys' didn't cross my head till I turned 15...

I do remember my youngest brother's thinking at 8. Being 8 years junior to me meant that we had a generation gap between us. I remember in class III he had crushes, but nothing serious. But then that was over twenty years ago...

At 8, my son has been volunteering pieces of information on a daily basis on several sundry topics, some which I find uproariously funny, others which leave me zapped.

For one he has begun resenting a hug before boarding his school bus in the morning or a kiss that I'd like to give him just any where. He retorts: "Don't hug me/kiss me in public. I don't like it!!!"
Now that it has been established that he is embarrassed by it, the daughter will hug and kiss him to piss him off every available opportunity, in public! *sigh*

Last night as we discussed a probable vacation spot he candidly said, "When we go to Goa I won't get out of the room. I don't want to go to the beach because of the women in bikinis."
Daughter: "Maa, just look at this boy! Just 8 years old, look how he talks!!!"
Me: "At 8 you don't like girls. Wait till you're 15 when you will want to stay at the beach only" *devilish laugh*
Son: "We'll see about that!"

Over the past few months, his conversations have been getting increasingly candid - like the one about How hot you are - or - About Gay.

While I was amazed that he knew about bikinis, I also knew that he was telling me exactly what was going on in his mind. As he grows up, the one thing I am happy about is that we communicate. That I guess is the only 'upside' to these inputs...and the humour of course!

Joy of Giving - Week 12 - Card 12

2011-11-30T15:15:00.001+05:30

Its been three months....well, almost... since I posted the first Joy of Giving card.
This week the card is a tad tough.

It is not easy to be friendly with strangers in our country. We are vary of strangers smiling at us (I am talking from a woman's perspective), especially when the stranger happens to be a man, and often have to respond with a scowl (because frankly, you just DON'T know what is going on in his mind).

Many times I've had a bad experience when I've been just cordial with a stranger too. You can read about one such experience here...

But, since it IS the Joy of Giving, I am going to attempt this one. I will start with the public place I am comfortable with. Either the mall near my locality or the CCD... I still haven't decided upon what quotes I will use, but will share it when I create my doc.

Hope all of you will also join in and spread the joy :-)

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past twelve weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Gratitude Diary - Jae

2011-11-28T16:12:00.001+05:30

My friend Jae Rajesh shared his Gratitude Diary with us on FaceBook. I am sharing it here with his permission.

When I was prompted to record my gratitude, as an exercise in the ‘Joy of Giving’, my mind was overloaded with a flurry of thoughts of different people, different times, and different places. And the one thing that gives me the most discomfort is disorder, may be a side effect of the times I spent in a regimented life. My mind was a total mess of memories crisscrossing with no connection with each other. I needed give some kind of an order or index to my thoughts. How do I prioritise them, give them the correct due? In terms of importance and value, each has been of equal relevance to me. Therefore, I decided I’ll do it the way my life happened…in a brief summary.

I want to convey my gratitude to:

Early years

My parents, for the pampering I received as a toddler (can’t remember before that), being the youngest of five relatively older siblings. I don’t recollect a single moment of unhappiness during those years or anything that I was denied that I really craved for (except for the occasional ‘Fanta’ which used to be my constant demand during any outing)

My mother, for teaching me to read and write Malayalam before I even started school (I used to read the weekly episodes of novels from weeklies, as she went about her household chores), and ensured I got admission into one of the best schools of the time.

My maternal Grandmother and Great Grandmother, for instilling in me my cultural values, teaching ‘Ramayana’, ‘Mahabharatha’ and scores of other stories, told and repeatedly told. (Even as a small kid, I knew all about the problems of keeping more than one wife or husband)

My siblings, my sister and brothers, for the unlimited affection and partiality shown to me as the youngest, for letting me win when I’m losing and bearing with my tantrums when they didn’t. Teaching me the alphabets and words and reading the clock, as I was preparing to join school, with no formal preschool learning.

My father, for gifting the environment of a happy childhood.

School years

To my teachers, especially Mrs Rodrigues from the primary years, who taught me the Queen’s English as my English Teacher (and almost succeeded in removing my ‘mallu’ accent) and subsequently groomed me to be a leader at a very early age, giving me the confidence for a life time.

To my school friends, who to this day, remain as close and loyal, for the happy and rollicking time I had in my schooling years.

To my Scout Masters, for instilling in me a love of the sea and everything associated, which eventually led me to join the Navy.

Early Adulthood

To my course mates, my brothers-in-arms, for helping me endure and enjoy the rigors of the training days and giving me a new family to be a part of.

My Physical Training Instructor at the Academy, then POPTI B Singh, who taught me to swim. (Well, at least not drown)

And the long list of various other instructors and seniors who went through personal discomfort to impart me real education on leading men and serving the nation.

Adulthood

To my wife, for the wonders of the courtship days, for loving me with all my faults. For the gift of limitless love. For our lovely sons. For standing by me and supporting me through the tough times and then make them seem insignificant.

To my sons, for their perfectness as children.

To my close friends, with whom I’ve shared the good and bad times, whose company and presence have become part of memories I treasure.

For the grace of God, in letting me appreciate the right from wrongs and helped me give the correct priorities in life.

And a whole score of others, whom I cannot name individually, since I had mentioned, this is just a summary. Thank you all, none of you will be, none of you can be forgotten for the duration of my life.

Tackling tantrum throwing

2011-11-27T14:51:00.000+05:30

Different couples have different reasons for having children. Ours was a bit complicated and some day I will note it down (makes for insightful reading).

Bottom line is we not just had one child, but two. Now there is a very good reason for that too. Read about it here...

However, as any parent in this world will tell you, while parenting has its obvious joys, parenting two kids also has its challenges. Handling both of them, the sibling rivalry and trying to be 'reasonable' and 'fair' to both (even in the midst of a terrible fight), has never been easy. But I have found a via media, a veritable middle path that I use in tackling some of the 'sensitive' issues between them, and I am sharing four of those 'tactics' here.

When my children hear me mouth the following words they think I am insensitive and impolite. To me, this is the only way to avoid losing my temper, shouting at them and in the bargain, feeling miserable.

Here's a list of what generally gets my goat and how I deal with it:

1. Crying - Really loud. Most likely in a public place. Or in the midst of a guest/relative/friend. For a vague reason that could range from "You always buy her/him everything and me nothing" or "I REALLY want to play now and you are saying 'study'"....

I shush them quiet and say "I don't want to 'hear' a sound. Cry in your mind."

First few years they'd actually become quiet and calm down and figure out 'how' to cry in their mind. Sometimes I would go a step further and tell them "I don't mind if you cry. I don't want to hear it. Thats all."

Then came a phase when they would irritatingly ask me, "How can I cry in my mind?"

Now at 12 and 8, they just quieten down. Guess they've also learned that I am deaf as long as they screech and I am also beyond embarrassment with their tantrum throwing.

It works!

2. Fight - They are siblings so they fight. A lot.

Sometimes I am at my wits' end and then I remember how my mother used to tackle us. She would find it hard to ignore us, if we (like my own tots do) kept tugging at her clothes, chin, hands whatever to grab her attention and get her to "accept" that she would shout at the brother/sister who was hassling us... But finally she would give in and say:

"I will shout at him/her when I find them alone next."

If we protested, she would say in her sweetest voice, "It doesn't look nice to shout at him/her in front of so many people. So I will do it when I find him/her alone."

What it does is calms the situation down for that moment. Kids being kids soon forget the reason why they were squabbling or fighting and the issue is laid to rest without actually screaming/shouting/threatening the child, and thus avoiding another confrontation ("You don't love me..."....)

I use the same tactic. And this one works too.

Of course when the children realise that this is just a way of postponing the crisis or brushing it under the carpet, they DO get mad and shout, "But you never do it!" or "I KNOW you won't shout at him/her..."

But, in my experience, it is a better way of dealing with intense sibling rivalry or tattle telling...

3. Love - When their fights go beyond the usual "I hate you" I stop and remind them how much their sibling loves them. "But she/he loves you so much..." This sentence almost always gets to them to stop mid-way and listen to you through the crying and tears.

The older one does sometimes say "No he doesn't..." to which I always promptly say "He does. If you stop fighting you'll see the love"...

This works too :-)

4. Hugs - What child hasn't questioned your love for them? As a parent, don't we often hear, "You love her more than me..." or "You love him so much you agree to everything he says"...

I often tackle this by hugging them real tight and telling them that I love them as much as I do their brother/sister... After the initial resistance, that lasts a minute perhaps, I feel their bodies slacken and give in to the hug. Then they hug me back.

A hug can heal any thing. Believe me... This one works like magic!

Images courtsey: Google Images

Joy of Giving - Week 11 - Rahmath; Ritu

2011-11-27T13:53:00.001+05:30

The Joy of Giving card for week 11 inspired Rahmath to give away a CFL to the house help. Read about it here...

Last evening, I asked my driver if he used yellow bulbs or CFLs. He said bulbs. When I handed him the CFL, this man who rarely ever smiles, broke into an instantaneous smile murmuring a Thank you.

Next in queue, the dhobi.

What is your Joy of Giving experience? Share it with us! Here's how...

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eleven weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Garments

2011-11-26T21:26:00.001+05:30

Heaped
in a pile.
Bearing
the stench of the day.
Lying,
breathing,
tired...
barely living;
Yet
Surviving
in the hope
of a new sunrise.

Blasts and us

2011-11-26T19:57:00.001+05:30

Ultimately and over a period of time they will just remainnumbers in our head until one day, it gets you or your loved one, and youbecome another bloodied or wailing picture. 14/07, 26/11, 13/02, 13/05,07/11.... a series of numbers that may bear relevance to you depending uponwhere you were during the blasts and whether it impacted you in any way.

After the last blast that tore through parts of Mumbai, my 12 year old wanted to know if itwas “as bad as the Taj attack.” “Difficult to say” I said, knowing well that inour world of increasing nonchalance we judge a blast by the numbers it killed.11 killed? Not that bad. Less thanthe 60 from the Jaipur blasts of 2008!

I did want to tell her that each blast is different. Becausethe people who die or are injured were/are a person, with dreams, hopes, aspirations, families, careers,friends...all cut short by a terrible tragedy. But I don’t. At 12 she is young and may not understand the cruelty this world is capable of.

After the well established cycle ofpolitical-intelligence-failure-nexus-passing-the-buck-bombardment-by-media,life always gets back to the way it was for most of us who didn’t die or getinjured on the fateful day.

And that is what I have a problem with.

I have a problem with moving on, with what is inevitablyhailed as the “spirit” of the masses (i.e. us) that survives and survives well.I have a problem with media’s portrayal of the survivors, and again, of thespirit. I have a problem with the re-visitation of the victims and theirfamilies on the “anniversaries” of these blasts.

I have a problem with the way we have mutely acceptedidiotic and unintelligent frisking in the name of “security” at our malls andmultiplexes while we can actually walk in with a bomb at any one of ourover-crowded and poorly secured railway/bus stations. I have a big problem withpoliticians and bureaucrats announcing ex-gratia to the dead, while passing thebuck of failure to each other, until the next blast/series of blasts strikesinnocent citizens.

Most of all, I have a problem with the word “tragedy” whenwe refer to a bomb blast; natural calamities, we can’t help, but it is sad towatch our Nation become terrorism’s poster boy, one blast after another.

I am also scared. At 12, my daughter who reads the newspaper and is aware of the occurrences in the country, knows that terrorists strike at will and in the aftermath, leave "dead" people. I am afraid that by the time she becomes a citizen eligible to cast her vote, she may become immune to such travesties to human kind. For isn't it the natural course - to become "used" to something? Like we get used to luxuries, won't the children in her generation also get used to hearing/reading about such attacks?

Will they, like we are slowly developing, have a defense system that will guard them against "feeling" any thing for the victims?Until, the 'tragedy' strikes closer to home??

On the 26th of November today, the third 'anniversary' of perhaps India's most audacious terrorist attack, these are my thoughts. Strangely, I didn't dwell much on the sacrifices of the likes of Major Unni Krishnan too...

The virus of immunity is already spreading. And seems to be nothing much we can do about it.

Joy of Giving - Gratitude List - Abhilash

2011-11-26T13:47:00.001+05:30

Perhaps the youngest follower of my blog, Abhilash P has penned his Gratitude list in response to Joy of Giving card 10. Coming from a teenager, it is an amazing list. I wonder if my own children would consider thanking us as parents :-)
Abhilash, do show this to mom and dad. They will sure be proud of you!

1. i am grateful for being alive at this very moment, when millions of kids are dying of hunger,thirst,disease or anything else.

2.i am grateful for having 2 of the best parents in the world,for loving and taking care of me even when i do something they hate.

3.i am grateful for getting a good education.

4.i am grateful for being a good photographer,because it might get me a job one day.

5.i am grateful to God,for giving me hope.

Joy of Giving - Card 11 - Week 11

2011-11-23T09:42:00.001+05:30

Friends,
The Joy of Giving is back with its 11th card... And this one is as simple as SIMPLE can be:

My first one would have gone to the maid, but she's on leave. Next in queue: the driver, dhobi and ... I am still thinking....

I also have a request: Do keep me posted about your small acts of kindness. Your selflessness may serve as an inspiration to another...

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eleven weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

My Gratitude Diary - Joy of Giving

2011-11-23T09:23:00.001+05:30

I have started my Gratitude Diary in response to the Joy of Giving Card for Week 10. And I hope to continue posting my thoughts in it. For starters,

I am grateful for the gift of good health, for when I didn't have it, I realised its worth.

I am grateful for the love and care my near and dear ones (family and friends) have shown me; in my weak moments, mentally and physically. I can never thank them enough, in words or in actions.

I am grateful for the joy of waking in the morning, each day renewing my hope...

I am grateful for the love and adulation of my beautiful children, who inspite of my working hours, schedules and crazy routine, remain connected with me at many levels

I am grateful for today. I am alive. I am healthy. I am loved. So I can learn to be happy too. And I will try. I will.

Sweet Memory

2011-11-17T09:15:00.000+05:30

I wrote this a few days before the second one arrived into this world. I am glad I found it in the pages of a diary and as I reproduce it, I can't help but smile over and over again....
April 05, 2003.

She squeals in absolute delight. She stares at the screen, totally enthralled - wide eyed, jaws dropped open. Her giggles echo through the tiny darkened room.

It is my sprightly three year old; not in a cinema watching a cool new animated flick, not at home watching her favourite new-kid-on-the-block, Vivek Oberoi. She is watching the monitor of the ultrasound machine that is projecting pictures of her little unborn brother.

A pair of eyes, a mouth, hands, legs, fingers, toes, a steadily beating heart...she is soaking it all, under the expert guidance of the friendly doctor. The pictures are hazy...a lot of black and a little white, but so full of life!

"Mama, its Abhir!", she exclaims, eyes twinkling, as they travel from the monitor to me and back, savouring every glimpse.

We have named him Abhir; made aware of his sex as soon as the doctor could identify him. She has been waiting patiently, for the last eight months, to hold her little sibling; the little baby she hopes will share her room, her toys; and we hope, her joys and happinesses and her life.

And to think that we had the power to say NO to it all, like many couples these days do. More than one child sounds like hara kiri to many and the excuses range from being socially responsible citizens of the country (by not adding to the vast population), to the more practical - we can't afford one. Growing up with siblings has been a significant part of our lives, my hubby's and mine, and we wanted our first born to revel in the same feelings.

The time has almost come. We are almost there; nearing the days when his wails will ring in a new beginning in all our lives, especially our daughter's.

Tonite I will whisper a little prayer of gratitude to the Almighty for bestowing upon me the joys of parenthood. The look on her face that I saw today will be etched in my mind forever.

Joy of Giving - Week 10 - Card 10

2011-11-15T22:01:00.001+05:30

Another week. Another card.

I did not travel in a rickshaw the whole of last week, but when I do, I will recall the card of Week 9.

This week the card is:

I have been on a roller coaster recently. It has made me question my beliefs, value systems, the sanctity of relationships and even the very purpose of living.

I have started my gratitude diary and I am not afraid to share it. I will post it in detail soon.

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past ten weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Card 9 - Week 9

2011-11-10T15:45:00.001+05:30

This week the card embodies the simplest way one can reach out to another human being.

The first follower of this card: The daughter (who picked it out of the deck) has already kept Rs 20 from her pocket money aside to treat Somnath bhaiya tomorrow, in whose auto rickshaw she goes to school every day. I am so happy that the Joy of Giving is actually teaching my children to spread love and joy through such simple, yet thoughtful acts.

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum - your own blog, note on FaceBook - or leave your story in the comment section of this blog.

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past nine weeks, click here

DO spread the message of this unique movement. Encourage your friends to start following the cards and spreading joy... Do remember to tag me in your posts...

Joy of Giving - Week 8 - My experience

2011-11-10T00:27:00.000+05:30

I refrained from running the washing machine for two whole days (imagine the pile of laundry post this!)... Took bath in cold water, and avoided a shower too... The weather in Pune doesn't need us to switch the AC on at night but even on those sweltering afternoons I was determined not to use it...

After this exercise for the Joy of Giving week 8 card, I observed the following:

1. I actually need to run my washing machine about 4-5 days a week only. On weekends I end up having a half load and I can thus avoid a run, saving water and electricity. Mental note: Need to follow this.

2. Taking a cold water bucket bath is the toughest thing for me to do. In my family, even at the peak of the Kerala summer, we have always taken a warm water bath, and that habit has stayed with me. However, I also realised it is just the chill of the first gush of water on the body. Once that's done, it becomes easier to continue. Mental note: Continue to take a bucket bath. Cold water as and when possible.

3. Air conditioning has spoilt me. Completely. I am averse to perspiring outdoors and I have to switch the car AC on the minute I sit in it. Thanks also to the high levels of pollution in Pune, I also feel compelled to keep the windows closed to keep out the dust and grime.

4. On the one hand, I do feel the urge to do my bit to for the environment, the heat and dust get the better of me and I succumb to pulling up the window and turning to the AC.

5.Getting the children to appreciate the value of 'hot' water and airconditioning has been tough. To them, these are taken for granted, much like the food thats put on the table. But I have succeeded. The daughter, who has to take a bath at 615 am on a school day and cannot possibly do it in bone-chilling cold water, has now begun remembering to switch the geyser 'off' after she is through. She has also learned that it's ok to sleep 'with the fan and without a quilt' rather than 'with AC and a quilt' just to help save the environment.

6. Every time I throw a milk sachet in to the dust bin I am reminded of how little I am ACTUALLY doing for the environment. These little initiatives are just baby steps. There is so much more I need to do.

Ace of Diamonds... Just Someone...

2011-11-09T23:52:00.002+05:30

An anonymous follower of this blog since I can remember (which is forever) and a friend who calls himself 'Just Someone' has in the true spirit of the Joy of Giving gone back to the first card.

Followers of the Joy of Giving will recall, it was the first and the toughest to follow.... The Ace of Diamonds and I believe only those who really want to be the change they'd like to see in the world can truly follow or attempt to follow this card... I applaud his gumption in wanting to go back to it...

Just Someone, do keep us posted with your experiences. And we wish you ALL the very BEST!!!!

Once again, a short revamp of the Joy of Giving if this is your first visit to the blog/page.

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog).

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past nine weeks, click here.

Joy of Giving - Week 8 - Card 8

2011-11-01T08:59:00.001+05:30

I am late! After a rather hectic Diwali break (which was spent largely barking at the children) it seemed as though it would take another two days to kick start life as I knew it! So here I am with another card.

Late, yes, but worth the wait :-)

This week the card is so do-able I am going to try and do this for at least three days; one each for the machines mentioned. Those with me, do raise your hand! :-)

As always I request all of you to send me your experiences any which way (comment on my post, write on a public forum - your own blog etc, email me...)...

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog).

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past eight weeks, click here.

Joy of Giving - Week 6 - Meena

2011-10-25T20:37:00.001+05:30

My new blogger buddy Meena wrote about her experience in response to the Joy of Giving card for week 6. With her permission I have reproduced her post here:

Remember this site I linked in sometime back.... Well thanks to her, I managed to not jus cleanup my wardrobe but also meet people at whats rightly called "The Home Of Hope" ~~ A home tht shelters physically and mentally challenged people... NO no, shelter isnt jus the word - each of them there work (in whateva little way they can given their challenges) to earn their living! You could read up abt them here.... Truly you come out feeling humbled........

If you in blore, make sure you drop in at this place .... if not for anything then to pick up some awesome candles, batiks, mats n smaller knick knacks that they produce.. trust me, you will be awed at their finesse... N mind you all gthis at throw away prices! Now you know where to head to to complete ur Diwali - Christmas shopping! Unfortunately, we dint carry our cam with us..... Hv a mobile click thou of one of the kutti butterfly candles tht I picked up.... Mind you this pic is in no-way a benchmark of what they hv in stock...

Joy of Giving

2011-10-25T11:25:00.000+05:30

For the first time in seven weeks I will not post a card this week. I realise that all of us are busy with the festival season... So with the hope that we will continue the process of "giving" even without a card to guide us, I wish everyone a very very Happy Diwali....

Joy of Giving - Card 5 - Week 5 - Alka

2011-10-21T10:57:00.000+05:30

My dear friend and fellow blogger Alka wrote this on her FaceBook:

‎Ritu has initiated the Joy of Giving Weeks. On 5th week, she told us to give away two Tulsi plants to anyone we want. I am late by two weeks. But Ritu, the joy is same. I have given it to two of my neighbors. One has shifted from Mumbai and doesn't have any plants. She was really happy to have a Tulsi plant.

Thank you so much Alka!
Spread the joy. Click here to find out how.

Joy of Giving - Card 7 - Week 7

2011-10-17T16:46:00.000+05:30

For all those who fed a homeless person a BIG thank you. I know that many of you haven't taken any pictures and chosen not to publicise the act of kindness which is what makes this movement so selfless and great.... My own experience will be posted in a day or two....

We have a new card this week. The Joy of Giving card (again picked at random) is so apt for the festive season coming up.

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog).

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past six weeks, click here.

Joy of Giving - Card 6 - Week 6

2011-10-10T11:47:00.002+05:30

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." Dalai Lama

Is it easy to drop your image, step out of your comfort zone and reach out to another human at a 'human' level, without inhibitions and with, love, compassion and warmth?

Its time to find that out.

The 6th card randomly picked out in the Joy of Giving Smile Deck series is:

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog).

To know how it started click here.

To track the Joy of Giving through the past five weeks, click here.

This is me - Invictus

2011-10-08T18:45:00.001+05:30

Invictus

by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

Joy of Giving - Card 5 - Week 5

2011-10-08T18:44:00.000+05:30

I gave away a tulsi plant that was growing randomly in one of the pots on the terrace...

Growing randomly

Potted ready

Joy of Giving Week - Kids Day Out celebration - Angels

2011-10-05T09:13:00.000+05:30

Watching thirty thrilled facesserved as a stark reminder of how much the lucky take for granted. A walk in amall, window shopping, a movie in a multiplex, a meal in a restaurant - thesechildren had never experienced any of it. Neither had most of these adults.

On Tuesday however, thingschanged. 25 children from NirankarBalgram, an orphanage inHadapsar, HOPE a day care Center for children of migrant workers and 4Ataxia patients from the Ataxia Awareness Charitable Trust (AACT) enjoyed a dayout at Inorbit on the occasion of the Joy of Giving Week.

The story that appeared in the newspaper. Click to enlarge and read:

But this post is not about what we experienced (which cannot be encapsulated in words...I can only recall the ecstatic faces of the children and Ataxians). This one is to say Thank You to all the angels. You went beyond your 'call of duty' to give us the perfect outing, the perfect day....

Prahlad Misal - Employee of Inorbit rose up to a phone call that informed him of our arrival. From ensuring that the wheel chairs were ready to take the Ataxia patients to the multiplex and organising staff to help push them, he also saw to it that simple things like appropriate parking spaces were reserved for our cars to ease the transport of the wheel chair bound patients. Without him, technically, we would have been completely lost.... Thank you!

Ajay Chaudhuri - Cinemax employee. He ensured that there was adequate help at hand to seat the Ataxians inside the cinema. He made sure pop corn was served to all the children inside and also made sure everyone was comfortable. Thank you!

Sanjay Jankar- Supervisor at Inorbit. Helped cart the wheel chairs, organised the transport to and from the elevators... Thank you!

Umang Kanoria - the guy who brought smiles on 35 faces :-)

Owner of Indian Tadka and Sizzler Cafe in Inorbit, he sponsored the tickets, popcorn & coke inside the cinema and lunch at his restaurant... He opened his heart and brought immense happiness on the faces of the participants.... Thank you!

Ajay Mirgal, Inorbit employee who got a call from us and ensured we were guided to the right person (Prahlad) for our needs. Thank you!

And last but not the least, the team at Hope For the Children Foundation, Caroline, Neha, Yashoda, Nidhi, without whose hard work, support, commitment and dedication, even "thinking" about this event would have been impossible! Big big hug and thank you!

Goodbye my friend...

2011-10-03T22:16:00.002+05:30

Dear Arpan

Two days ago someone mentioned you by name and told me that I had to stop living in regret. I had to recognise the importance of people when they are alive and not fret after they are gone.

Gone. That is what you are. And it is 17 years since I heard the news.

17 years can be a long time to regret the loss of a dear friend - that you were to me. Preciously unique, and uniquely precious. Friend to hang out with. Friend to fight with. Friend to discuss books with. Friend to share music with.

I've remembered you through all these years and I do admit and accept that it has been with regret - regret over the fact that there was no closure. I didn't talk to you, write a letter explaining things to you or even call you when I should have, when I could have. I didn't pursue you even though I knew why you were angry, hurt, upset. When you showed your indignation, even you didn't know that it would become a broken bridge that would never mend....

And then suddenly, one day, it was too late. You were gone in a flash (48 hours is all that it took for the Meningitis to consume you) and all I was left with was regret... Sometimes I cannot remember your face and I have to close my eyes and think about an event in our carefree lives, and...the irrevocable cycle of sadness begins again...

A broken heart can be like that. It can refuse to heal. It can be stubborn in its sadness. It can survive on all-consuming anguish. It can be steeped in remorse - of what could have been had we mended that bridge....

But today, 17 years after you died in a hospital in Delhi at age 24, I make a promise to you my friend.

I promise to remember you the way you were - a happy, intelligent, lovable guy - a guy who hardly ever understood jokes, who was clumsy and sloppy, a good basketball player, even if sometimes lacking in sportsman spirit... You were who you were and you were my friend. I miss you but I won't regret your absence from my life...ever again...

Although I will wonder sometimes, "Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven...?" something inside me will always know the answer ....

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Week 4 - A surprise at my doorstep

2011-10-03T19:49:00.003+05:30

This morning when we opened the door of our home, we found this beautiful pookalam staring back at us... "A smiling Sun!" exclaimed the son excitedly. The daughter wanted to know who was kind enough to bring us such joy...and "who" in their right minds would stealthily make one while we were asleep...

I think I know who it is and all I can say is "Thank you for giving us this moment of happiness, my friend and soul mate. You've enriched the spirit of the Joy of Giving...."

Joy of Giving - Card 5 - Week 5

2011-10-03T08:29:00.000+05:30

This week the Joy of Giving card is :

This card has been picked at the right time, as I have two little saplings growing in my terrace garden... And I already have two recipients in mind.

Who will you give this sacred plant to? How many will you give away?

Talk to me, my friends :-)

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards every week and post your experiences in a public forum (or leave your story in the comment section of this blog). To know how it started click here. To track the Joy of Giving through the past four weeks, click here.

Solar System redefined

2011-10-01T13:21:00.002+05:30

The Solar System was redefined by my eight year old in a tele-conversation with his father today:

"Hi papa. I am your SUN... Don't touch me you'll burn ha ha ha.... You are Mars, mama is Venus and didi.... Didi is Pluto because it is furthest from the Sun... No... Didi is Mercury because when she goes there she will touch the dry ice and die"...

My reactions - Good God! He must not hate his sister THAT much! His school is doing something right (his planetary information is quite updated)! Post a blog...

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Week 4 - Blessing. A poem by Imtiaz Dharkar

2011-09-29T10:33:00.001+05:30

My friend Meena Nambiar shared this stark poem with us:

The skin cracks like a pod.There never is enough water.

Imagine the drip of it,

the small splash,

echo in a tin mug,

the voice of a kindly god.

Sometimes, the sudden rush

of fortune. The municipal pipe bursts,

silver crashes to the ground

and the flow has found

a roar of tongues. From the huts,a congregation:

every man woman

child for streets around

butts in, with pots,

brass, copper, aluminium,

plastic buckets,

frantic hands,

and naked children

screaming in the liquid sun,

their highlights polished to perfection,

flashing light,

as the blessing sings

over their small bones.

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Pune's Water Warrior

2011-09-29T10:31:00.001+05:30

When it comes to saving water, I cannot but share this wonderful home video created by a young 13 year old boy from Pune. He was 11 when he made this movie.

I've written many articles on him. Am reproducing one here.

12 year old Viraj Gapchoop is anachiever of the rare kind. A student, a film maker, a water prodigy and an avidphotographer, Viraj may seem to wear too many hats for one so young, but hispassion for each is endearing.

This young water warrior whorecently entered the India Book of Records 2011 edition, has made a film onsaving water through simple methods that he admits he learned at home. Thefilmed that was screened at the Vasundhara International Film Festival in Pune inFebruary 2010 epitomised the young lad bathing while standing in a roundplastic tub and recycling the collected water by watering plants, flushingtoilets or even swabbing the home.

His passion for the subject beganwhen as a young boy living near the banks of the gentle Pavana river hewitnessed the steady desecration of the river.

“People were dumping garbage,washing clothes on its banks and all this affected him. As a young boy of threeor four, he would ask his grandfather why people spoiled the river” recalls hismother Manasi fondly.

To add to his exposure, theGapchoops are a conscious lot, saving water on a day to day basis, that is morelike a way of life to them. “We turn off the tap while working in the kitchen,and recycle water from washing and bathing for many uses. Viraj grew up doingall this and also realising that this was important to save water” said hisfather Dinesh.

The idea of a movie came to himwhen he thought of spreading his message of water conservation and waterrecycling. He made the film at home with a handy cam and used the computer toedit it and add the audio. The film, about 12 minutes long is narrated byhimself in a simple way avoiding jargons, spreading the message of waterconservation.

Since he made the movie, Virajhas been honoured at several forums and continues to be reckoned with as achild prodigy and young innovator.

Simultaneously this young lad alsoinvented a simple system that helps reduce overflows from overhead water tanks.Christened the Semi Automatic Water Pump Controller, the device can be madefrom scrap almost free of cost by anyone who is willing to implement theconcept.

Viraj’s invention, with itsstriking simplicity and cost effectiveness has found many takers. He does notsell the device and the proceeds of the contributions he receives from peoplewho implement the concept have been given to his school Jnana Prabodhini Navnagar Vidyalaya, located at Nigdi thatneeded funds for social and construction activity.

In the past few months, Viraj’swater saving device has fetched the school over Rs 1.55 lacs, all as voluntarycontributions!

What he developed as a Scienceproject for his school is now also under process for registration under theIntellectual Property Rights Act.

Watch PART 1 and PART 2 of Viraj's movie and do remember to show it to the children at home and in your neighbourhood!

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Week 4 - Water – A precious resource

2011-09-28T21:41:00.000+05:30

My childhood friend Rekha who has been diligently following and supporting the Joy of Giving sent me this post by email, since she has taken a short sabbatical from blogging and social networking.

Her post is reminiscent of her childhood days' struggle for water in Kerala, a land where the rain pours to kingdom come for almost 5 months in a year... Over to Rekha:

Saving water is something after my own heart. Living in rainy Kerala does not necessarily mean that’s plenty of water all around. “Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink,” holds true for West Kochi, the place I lived. Drinking or potable water was a perennial problem and I remember lugging pots from as far as the next road during extreme shortages, which were very common.

It was a unifying fact though, never mind if you lived in a huge house or a shanty, you queued up like the others for water. Thankfully, these did not go to the extremes, and since we had a bore well and a well, we did have some kind of water, even if it was not pure.

The worst shortage I came across was in Madras in 2001 when we had gone to my sister-in-law’s place. They lived in posh T. Nagar, home to all the Kollywood stars, but they had absolutely no water. And the water truck came at the earthly hour of around three or four in the morning. Water was stored in every available space, including little tumblers and mugs. And a lot of water was reused and recycled… and that’s when it hit home hard… Use water judiciously or face the consequences.

My husband too has had his share of experiences with water shortage. Palakkad has fierce summers unlike the rest of Kerala, and mostly the deep well in their village home would dry up and they too had to lug water from other places. Thankfully, they have a bore well now and the well never dries up thanks to the bountiful monsoon.

How do I try and save water? I only have bucket baths… and try not to keep the tap running on in full force while washing the vessels. I use a mug of water whenever I remember, for brushing my teeth and use minimum water while washing clothes by hand. I use the washing machine only if there is a full load, and so on and so forth.

I try to do my little bit… and will continue to do so… for who can imagine a life without water?

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Water Saving Tips

2011-09-28T06:57:00.000+05:30

When my son plucked the fourth card out of the pack for the Joy of Giving, I thought I would write a couple of posts about saving water. Bathing in a bucket of water is one way of saving water. There are others.

Tips for Conserving Water

Verify your home is leak free. Repair dripping taps by replacing washers. It took a plumber 4 days and a few hundred phone calls to respond to my complaint of leaking taps. Such is the attitude to a 'dripping' tap in our country! May be it is time we started learning how to do some basic plumbing ourselves
Avoid flushing the toilet unnecessarily. Use water efficient flushes, plumbing fixtures having sensors, low flow faucet aerators which require minimum water. Box cisterns are best used to save water and the flush knob can be pushed back as soon as the WC is clear to save water
Turn off water while brushing teeth. Very important and to be taught especially to children
For shaving, use mug rather than using running water. Have seen many men do it and its a good initiative to save water
Close faucets while soaping and rinsing clothes/utensils. Teaching maids and then monitoring them is the toughest task
Keep overflow valve in the over head tanks so as not to waste water
Use waste water to swab, flush, clean terraces. Easier said than done, but if we are committed to saving water we can do it
Don’t use running water for releasing ice from tray/washing vegetables. My aunt who as an Air Force officer's wife lived across the country, even in areas of severe water shortage, follows this practice. She takes a bowl of water when she starts chopping, and dips all vegetables in the bowl rather than wash them under running water
Don’t use extra detergent to wash clothes. Sometimes we think more detergent means better washed clothes. It is not so. In fact, too much detergent doesn't get rinsed off clothes easily especially if they are machine washed which typically have fixed rinse cycles. It is better to use detergent frugally
Don’t use running water while hand-washing clothes. Again, teaching maids and monitoring them is the toughest part
Operate automatic washing machine when it is fully loaded
Don’t use shower/big bath tubs in bathrooms. Taking a bucket bath is hygienic. My children get showers as a treat, every other Saturday, not as a matter of right
Water left over in water bottles can be used to water plants instead of being thrown away
Don't wash cars. Wiping them clean works just as well. In fact wet wiping the car frequently is known to rob the paint off its shine. Dry wipe 3 times and wet wipe 3 times a week
Don't water plants with running water. I use all the 'left over' water (from bottles, buckets etc) to water my plants
Use sprinklers in gardens. Sprinklers save water and distribute water evenly over larger surfaces
Don’t over-water your lawns. A good rain eliminates the need watering for more than a week
Water lawns during early morning hours when the temperature and wind speeds are the lowest. This reduces losses from evaporation
Please remember water never gets "old". Don't throw good water down the drain. Use it

When I wanted to get back...

2011-09-26T14:24:00.000+05:30

Words. Was tempted to use them today - to hurt someone; to "say it like it is"; to offer a defense to someone against their baseless allegations that meant I had to show them the mirror; to show this person that I am a better person; to prove a point...

As I typed furiously, the words that began appearing on the screen made me stop. Scathing words stared back at me and even as I made an effort to justify them I was distraught at what I was intending to do.

I wanted to prove I am a better person. And in trying to do that I was moving away from the person I am - someone who has the capacity to forgive, to reconcile, to accept what cannot be changed, to love unconditionally, to give happiness and be happy.

I did send the email. It was devoid of hatred, animosity, vulgarity and severity. Maybe the recipient couldn't care about what I'd written because there was nothing in it to grab his attention... But it is ok...

At least I shall sleep tonight!

Joy of Giving - Card 4 - Week 4

2011-09-26T11:29:00.001+05:30

This week we have a card that is so easy to follow, any one can do it.

But first, a prelude:

Long ago, taking bath under a shower was considered a luxury. Not only because showers were considered an indulgence but because showers were considered an indulgence due to the amount of water they consumed. A bucket of water was considered enough for a clean, thorough and hygienic bath.

Somehow things changed. Homes with more advanced forms of plumbing became popular. Suddenly it was not enough to just take bath - we needed "rain shower heads" in our bathrooms to replicate the rain that poured naturally... Needless to say, water consumption increased and slowly but steadily through our patterns of water use we started depleting our natural water sources.

Did you know that a 10 minute shower can exhaust 120 liters of water from your tank (@ 12 liters per minute)? With an average of four members in a family, that is almost 500 liters of water everyday; 15000 liters of water a month; 1,82,500 liters per annum.

How can we cut down this massive water consumption without compromising on hygiene? (If I ask my kids they will gladly say "Bathe twice a week!")

Use a bucket. That's the card for this week:

To join the Joy of Giving just follow the cards. To know how it started, please click here.

Joy of Giving - Card 3 - Week 3 - Pookalam 2

2011-09-25T22:38:00.001+05:30

25th September each year is celebrated as International Ataxia Awareness Day. Ataxia. I hadn't heard of the word until three years ago. When a chance meeting brought me face to face with Rao uncle I wrote a post about it.

The next year we decided to get together to do something to bring an element of hope into the lives of the two young men who were struggling to even stay afloat - struggling to smile, to desire, to live.

We thought we would take baby steps to spread awareness about Ataxia. We started a blog and it is maintained exclusively by Guru Prasad and Vivek Rao, sons of Rao uncle. Towards the same goal, last year we celebrated the Ataxia Awareness Day hoping to bring the Ataxians across Pune together.

It hasn't been easy. Needless to say, apart from the physical and mental trauma these patients go through there is also the social stigma attached to a disease no one can fully understand.

However, not one to give up, this year Rao uncle registered a NGO called Ataxia Awareness Charitable Trust (AACT) to formalise the aspirations of all Ataxians - to be able to live lives of dignity, to be able to earn a livelihood, to have a chance at 'happiness' and to build an Ashram where they can live without burdening their ageing parents or other care givers.

We celebrated this day at their residence, and I thought what better way to spread a little extra cheer than to make a Pookalam as part of the third Joy of Giving card. Rukmini auntie was happy. Rao uncle elated. The pookalam served its purpose well.

Again - from design to concept to implementation, the credit goes to Oorja and Abhir!

Process begins

Abhir has to disturb his sister

Sibling revelry

Painstaking creation

Helping hand

Guru and Vivek

Its ready!!!!

Do you want to spread cheer in someone's life? Do you want to revel in the happiness that you will feel when you give happiness? Then join the Joy of Giving. Click here for details ....

Joy of Giving - Card 3 - Week 3 - Pookalam

2011-09-24T19:26:00.000+05:30

Pookalam in front of the altar at a friend's house. From concept to design to implementation - kudos to Shivani, Oorja and Abhir!

Joy of Giving - Card 2 - Week 2 - Just Someone

2011-09-20T19:13:00.000+05:30

The Joy of Giving just keeps reaching out...

Just Someone - Has been a reader and supporter of this blog for ever. Today he sent me his letter with a short paragraph for his parents. With his permission I am publishing both.

From Just Someone to .....

I love and respect my mother and my father immensly, always indebted to them for what they have done for me, for making me what I am, for teaching me values. However as someone who spent a major part of his childhoold alone and way, I grew not to be 'attached'. By not writing a letter to them, I am not denigrating their vital role in my life.

However I choose to write to a friend , who has been there for me till now... simple...

Letter

To a wonderful human being whose indubitable character and strength has illuminated my life.

I donot know if there is a card for ‘the person’ who has had an impact on your life. So I am writing about this friend …

Love : You can love and accept people , welcome them into the realm of friendship without judging them in any way – a rare quality, the very reason, a serendipitous meeting for me evolved into an unceasing blissful experience – for life – for me ( again ).

Thank you for extending a hand of friendship to a total stranger and then being a pillar of strength during the journey of life. Even a few moments of company would swathe you with the warmth exuded by this person, that your pains would recede and you would smile. This I know for sure is something that other friends too have experienced.

Strength : All of us go through tough times in our lives. How we react to it, how well we can get a handle on the situation decides how we move forward. I have been lucky to be in the company of someone who has shown me how to sieve out strength, to find a solution in the most enervating situations. Thank you for being there, making me believe in myself, think clearly and guiding me away from baneful decisions. Even when going through personal troubles, you would devote time to my problems and respond vicariously.

From you, I have learnt ( to try ) to be sincere and compassionate even in the smallest things that I do. ‘Don’t do something or don’t say something if you don’t mean it ‘ are the words that I have often heard and seen being followed by this person. And yes this has helped me think, before I speak or act (though its not easy to follow always ) – even if it’s a very ‘casual’ promise about an ice cream to my kids. In profession, I have seen this person set aside personal priorities, to honor a commitment given. And if its not possible to meet an agreed deadline, then be upfront about it, totally obviating the common ploy of finding an ‘excuse’.

I have learnt from you, that speaking truth and not massaging egos , earns you respect. It takes a lot of spunk to confront ‘power’. I admire you for never backing down when your affirmations are challenged by the ‘stalwarts’ and the ‘powerful’. Never a nebulous moment in putting your thoughts across.

I can’t thank you enough for opening the minds of my kids to me. For teaching me to think like they do, for teaching me that children can always forgive you, for teaching me that ‘doing’ things for them are not enough – that I should make them emotionally connect to me, for teaching me that I should keep the promises that I make to them. You brought about a change in me, that made ( is making ) my children grow attached to me. It’s a wonderful feeling….

Your affection and warmth to the ones close to you, your concern for them , makes me that wish I could be a parent, a sibling ,a spouse and a progeny like you.

You have the witty knack of making the most simple tasks sound complex ( to make a cup of coffee – Oh I have to get up from where I am, switch on the kitchen lights, open the cupboard, locate the jar of coffee powder, wash a spoon, then wipe it dry, put the pan on the gas, measure water and pour it, wait till it boils, take out the milk from the refrigerator and warm it up, wash the cups, pour the hot water into the cups, filter the milk….. phew – I would say no thank you , I know its so difficult to make coffee , lets forget it ) and the most difficult tasks sound simple ( Oh I just have to drive a little - 80km - to collect information for the charity organization I am working for, since they don’t have anyone else to do it for them…. ). A trick I am still trying to learn from you, to be used at the opportune moments.

I can go on… but my limited writing skills are a constraint…. A mere thank you is not enough for you friend…

I close my eyes for a few seconds… the darkness that I experience then… Life would be like that without you…

Though I am good at poetry, I choose to take a shortcut and dedicate this to you…

Joy of Giving - Card 2 - Week 2 - Agnes

2011-09-19T21:09:00.000+05:30

Agnes, my dear dear friend has joined us in the Joy of Giving with this thank you letter to her mother.

My dear Ma'

Today when I look back at the difficult young child, troublesome teenager and ambitious youngster that I have been the only one person I can remember who has had to put up with most of my antics, is you.

It is because of you that I became who I am today.

All the tough love that you gave (that which I did not understand then) made me a much better person, pushed me on, making me more determined than ever. Your strict disciplining had made me wish many a times to run away, but today I realize the value of that strictness, of honour, dignity and self respect.

I have even learnt from your mistakes and I hope to be better understanding, patient and forgiving towards others.

Your fiery nature and determination has driven and inspired all of us to get wherever we have. You fought and strived to give us the best of education, without your sacrifices we would have been nowhere.

Most of your life was spent, so that our future would be secure. You took care of not only of me and my siblings but also your own, supporting them in every possible way. There is no neighbour from the numerous places that we have lived at, that you have not helped. Every one regards and remembers you fondly.

You taught me to share, there was never a morsel that when down without being shared among all of us. You invented savories out of meager ingredients available at home. Our times were difficult then, but we were always happy. Our home was filled with laughter and singing. The only fairy tales that I remember were the ones that you told us. The designer clothes that you used to painstakingly hand stitch for all of us for every birthday and Christmas were outstanding. Only that I never realized it then.

Today if I am almost a jack of all trades, a decent cook, seamstress and home maker it all comes from you. Whenever anyone appreciates or compliments me for being a wonderful hostess, more so when my mother-in-law compliments me, my pride knows no limits because I know it was your upbringing that earned me her appreciations.

You never got gifts or went for movies or parties but you made sure that no matter how tough the situation was, you held the family together. You were so selfless and put us all before yourself.

I am grateful to you Ma’, I just can’t thank you enough...

Joy of Giving - Card 2 - Week 2 - Ritu

2011-09-19T07:39:00.000+05:30

Maa,

I am undertaking this exercise where I have to write "A letter to a parent or grandparent who had an impact on my life".

To me, the big question is - Can I write a letter to you maa without flooding the keyboard with tears (and short circuiting the ageing machine to an untimely death)? Can I express in "words" what you mean to me when "actions" also seem insufficient? Can I make you feel as special and wanted and loved and cared for and adored as you have made me feel ALL my life? Can I serve you the way you have, through the appendectomy at 15, the two child births....countless fevers and other illnesses, with patience, and love and so much warmth (that when I have to be a care-giver I can't match up to your warmth as hard as I try maa)? Can I ask for your forgiveness for saying unkind words as a rebellious teenager? Can I EVER emulate your patience with kids, yours or mine, the way you can 'explain' things without losing your cool or judging? Can I EVER love you enough in this lifetime, when I have spent 20 years fighting with you?

Sometimes when a friend loses a parent, I imagine - our home desolate, dark, sad and incomplete without you. And I can hear myself say, "If I lose maa, I will have no reason to go home to Cochin. There will be NOTHING there for me."

And that is how it has been. Home is home because of you - you, as you stand on the porch watching as the car approaches, smiling, tearing up, arms wide open as we jump into your arms, hug you, happy to be "home"... Home is lying on your sprawling king size bed, discussing politics, or watching trashy serials as you shred characters apart... Home is where the food is to-die-for, where your soft arms are cushions we lounge on... Home is where you love us, unconditionally and pamper us till we are ready to die off it... Home is where we laugh..A LOT....

Laughter. I've had SO much of it in my life, all because of you maa. And I am NOT the only one in this world who will vouch for your whacky, crazy, spur-of-the-moment comments and resulting in humour that has all of us in splits any time of the night or day. Even my kids always say, "Naani makes us laugh..."

I am recounting 3 notes I took down when Abhir was born in 2003 when you tried to keep 3 year old Oorja engaged so she would leave me alone for a few hours a day to rest and recuperate:

Oorja relating a story to Naani:

O: "One day there is a big jungle and one tiger"
N: "Nooooo. No tiger. Mujhe tiger se dar lagta hai (Im scared of tigers)"
O: "Ok ok naani. And in jungle there is a big sher, with sharp teeth"
N: "Nooooo. No big teeth. Please."
O: "Ok ok. No big teeth. Is having small sharp teeth."
N: "Nooooo. No sharp teeth please. Mujhe dar lagta hai... Having bhaunta (dull) teeth"
O: "Ok naani. Having bhaunta teeth and is very angry"
N: "Noooooo...not angry...."
O (in frustration): "Arre naani, story sunane do na...(Let me relate the story)"

Oorja - "Main Abhir ki sister hoon" conversation

O: "Main sister hoon...(I am a sister...)"
N: "Woh hospital waali? (Like the one in hospitals?)"
O: "Nahin.. sister... S I S T E R..."
N: "Sister, meri tabiyat kharab hai (Sister I am unwell)..."
O: "Achcha... (Ok)"
N: "Toh dawayi do na - aap toh sister ho... (So give me medicines; you're a Sister)"...
O: "Main Abhir ki sister hoon... (I'm Abhir's sister).."
N: "Accha? Lekin sister toh hospital main hoti hai...Please mujhe dawai do na.... (Really? But sisters are usually in hospitals.. Please give me a medicine.."
O: "Offho naani. Aap samjhti nahin ho... (Oh naani, why don't you understand?)..."

Oorja starts playing doctor-doctor with Naani after the above conversation (Oorja is nurse and Naani is the doctor)

Nurse: "Doctor.."
Doctor: "Call the first patient..."
Nurse: "Ok ... N E X T ... Naani Goyal..."
Patient doesn't turn up..
Doctor: "Where is the patient?"
Nurse: "Woh aa rahi hai.. susoo karne gayi hai... (She's coming. Has gone to pee..)"

Maa, the time I spent recuperating at home with you were the most memorable. Your love is all encompassing and even the children love you and always look forward to meeting you. Your calm way of handling them is something I still need to learn...

What I also need to learn is your funda of "no expectations" from your children. You have told me that you don not expect any child including your two sons to look after you and Papa in your old age. "I want all of you to be happy. If you have to go live in another city and make a life, so be it. If we cannot live together, so be it... Just be happy..." In the classic marwari family set up your words would be considered blasphemy... But that is who you are. You are loving, kind and ever-giving and in this life you don't want to be the cause of our unhappiness.

This rule in your life has also made you pamper us till we could take it no more. I recall vacations I have taken in Cochin, when I, the nocturnal college returnee or the newly wed I-am-missing-mom's-food-coz-I-just-realised-I-hate-cooking, would sleep at weird hours, ensconced in a heavily draped room, wake up suddenly, walk out of the room to be welcomed by a bright sunny day and the clock showing 2pm. Rubbing my eyes, I would ask you why you didn't wake me up and you'd simply smile and say, "You've come home to rest and relax. Just enjoy...and oh! Lunch is ready...." You wouldn't let me cook or help you in the kitchen reiterating that I would have to do it at my 'home' anyways...

I also love all your little quirks - the way you have a pair of reading glasses in each room of the house, including the kitchen; the way you check your mobile phone after 2 days and return my 'missed' call asking me hassled, "Beta, you called?" while I reply, "Yes maa, two days back..." and you insist, "Par mere phone main toh abhi dikhayi diya... (But my phone just showed me your calls!).."; the way you meticulously buy, wash, sun dry and then roast groceries (even jeera and coriander seeds!!!); the way you grind all the masalas at home and insist we use them too; the way you plan menus for our visits in advance (Vishal ko baby corn fritters pasand hain, Harishji ko padoke.....); the way you run around completing the chores of the day on your tiny feet and 4ft 10 inch petite frame....; the way you will buy ANYTHING (useless sets of knives, handkerchiefs, plastic boxes, utensils, books etc...) from a door-to-door salesgirl/woman just because you empathise with them ("bechari, saara din dhoop main ghoomne ke baad, ghar jaake bachchon ko bhi dekhegi, khaana banyegi...." Poor thing, after roaming the city in the sun she will have to go home and look after the kids and cook food etc...)

Your empathy for working women is endearing and the manner in which you support your daughter-in-law's career choice is commendable too (again, in the light of the marwari set up)...

This letter would be incomplete if I were to not mention the fortitude with which you have handled life's setbacks. Your hope, your zest for daily living is an inspiration. You never, through the past almost 18 years, lost your sense of humour however tough the situation may have been. Hats off to you maa!

When I think of you, just like that, in the middle of the day, I feel blessed. I have the urge to take the next flight and land up to bask in your love...

Your actions and words have impacted me in so many countless ways.... I've learned compassion, patience (although I try, I cannot be as good as you), the ability to smile in adversity, the ability to serve selflessly, the ability to fight for my rights, love unconditionally and so much much more than I can write here. I am who I am, for a large part, because of you. I love you.

Ritu

Joy of Giving Week 3

2011-09-19T07:18:00.001+05:30

It is time for the third card from the deck. Got my son to pick this one out and this is a FUN card.

What we must do:

Take pics of the rangoli we make and write our experience of undertaking this act of Joy of Giving.

Let's spread the word and spread some cheer!

To join the Joy of Giving, please CLICK HERE or the Link on the left side of the screen....

Joy of Giving - Card 2 - Week 2 - Jae Rajesh

2011-09-19T07:00:00.000+05:30

My friend Jae Rajesh, who, to most people we know, comes across as someone sans emotions, someone who is in control regardless of the situation. Reading this tribute that he wrote for his deceased father was a moment of revelation, not just for me, but for all our friends....

My father was quiet man, very hard working, but with his own human failings. His priority was his children and did all he could for them. Some of us turned out well, some not as comfortable. Till the moment of his passing, I know, he always nurtured the doubt within him, if he did enough. This is my feeble attempt to tell him he did.

Dear Achhan,

I know that this letter will pleasantly surprise you, because you are not used to being thanked for being our parent. In fact you are not used to be thanked for anything at all. In our culture, so much is taken for granted. So were you. But that does not take away your achievements of parenthood.

Father, we did not thank you for your struggles in our early years, in fact even before I was born. We did not thank you, when you had to cycle 30 kms each day to your factory and back, then after returning home make go-carts out of coconut palms and whistles out of leaves for us, enthusiasm overriding the exhaustion of the day’s work. For providing us a respected household, a strong background and a social standing that even today when I visit my place of birth, people I do not even know about (not surprising as it’s now nearly 40 years, since we left) extend me and my family courtesies that are deeply touching, to say the least.

We did not thank you, for the special tutors of music and dance for your children, for, at that age and time, you were ahead of others and believed that schooling alone was not good enough for your children and for bailing out and standing by my brothers from the numerous afflictions of school and college politics.

We did not thank you for taking the heart wrenching decision to send us to a far away metropolis while you slogged on alone, determined to give us a decent chance at education which was impossible at home due to absurdly increased political activism. I know now, what it feels to be away from the family and I know now, what you have endured for our future.

We did not thank you, for selling the house which you built, brick by brick, the envy of the neighborhood, so that you can afford to give the best of education and future to your children. And at an age when you were meant to lead a retired life of relaxation, you slogged on till your defiant body finally gave in to the ravages of old age.

And I did not thank you, for giving me character, the will and stubbornness to pursue my goals, gifting me genes that people are envious of and the ability to enjoy hard work. For accepting me as an adult much ahead of norm, respecting and standing by my rebelliousness, showing patience in understanding my arrogance and pride, having faith and confidence in me and my decisions, things which only few fathers could have accepted. For taking my side as I brought in a bride of a different faith, accepting and loving her as a daughter more than your own and teaching me in that one instance to be true to your faith regardless of the religion you practice.

I did not thank you for a happy and normal childhood or for the few days that I could enjoy your company in my adult life, when you blended into your son’s family like a fairy tale, giving your grandsons some memories to cherish.

I did not thank you, for teaching me all this by living your life, through unspoken words and silent deeds.

I did not even thank you, as I walked with the clay pot on my left shoulder, during your final journey.

I can feel the twinkle in your eyes and the warmth of your smile as I am writing this, now that you are in a place and position from where you can see all and understand all. I have only one thing to say to you, “Thank you, Achha! You did well!!!”

Joy of Giving - Card 2 - Week 2 - Shalinie

2011-09-18T19:22:00.001+05:30

My cousin sis Shalinie had written letters to both sets of grand parents in response to the Joy of Giving Week 2 card. Reading her straight-from-the-heart letters has made me want to write one to my mom too.

Dear friends,

making an attempt to recollect people who hv made a huge impact in my life and my way of saying thanx!

Writing this particular note is my 1st nd the most personal , emotionally charged up exp. for me...(ritu for u!!)

Dadu-Dadi, Nanu-Nani, what do i say...each have left an indelible mark on me..

(1) my chweet, petite, delicate Dadi or Ammaji was super indulgent, loving nd royal....regaled us with stories of plethora of hindu Gods with thier superpowers nd villainous Rakshas...oh my ..i wes transported/zapped...all the western superheros couldn'd hold a candle in front of desi heros!!!! immensely religious, i accompanied her to temples and had such fun lighting diyas!! i 2 am spritual nd love stories till date!

(2) my Dadu was a smart, tall and a zamindar with the right attitde ..a champion tennis player...he was my 1st english teacher..v called him Baba Sahib as a mark of respect..a collector of unique articles...v would coerce him 2 show us his treasure..silver hookahs, wine holders with coolers .etc..their house was full of antiques of such beauty.....i hv inherited that taste of good things in life from him i guess!!

(3) my Nanu....a most unusual personality and as different from my Dadu as night and day.....a freedom fighter, highly patriotic... Staunch advocator of vedic way of life, yoga, pranayam at 4am nd rendering of shlokas with meanings, involved children (30 or more in vacations) in all of the above...that meant woken up even in hols!!..loved 2 take all of us to picnics ...wow did v have fun or what!!.....but he had a strong aversion to TV, movies as he felt it onnly pollutes mind ....(understand it now) nd threaten to remove cable if kids dont control their watching!!

(4) my Nani....sweet sweet sweet sweet and sweet!!!!!!

the most influential person in my life i would say....she is the most incredible, amazing person!!! completed her education after kids nd in between kids and with her kids!!!...not only did she supprt her husband in all he did but was with him all the way . Along with taking care of her kids, house ...she managed a string/ tsunami of relatives trooping in at all times of the day witha smile...a most gregarious person i still hv to find!!! She completed her doctorate in vedic studies that too in sanskrit when she was ...hold on...a Grandmother !!!

She's 2 perfect a cook..even at the age of ahem not revealing it as not polite..lets say 5th generation is on....her pickes r 2 die for...she makes th most amazing ayurvedic medicines for all who needs it ..(does all th hard work herself).. Baba Ramdev requested her to take up residence at his ashram as she has so much to offer to the society...

She educated Dalit girls....not by sitting in comforts of an office or her home....but trooped 2 thier villages on foot !!

Hang on...she's not all serious...she loooooves 2 laugh nd hv a wonderful sense of humour!!! She writes beautiful poetry/bhajans....1 every birthday of swami vivekananda...and hv a voice of an angle when she sings!!

I am truely blessed 2 hv her in my life ...she is in a gr8 way instrumental in the kind of person I am..her blessings hv been with me sooo much.....I met Amit at her house fr the 1st time nd she performed havan (namkaran) for both my sons...Amit is equally devoted 2 her as they r both kindered spirits!!

So I ensure...that I thank my grandparents everyday...twice..in my prayers for all thier love, blessings and moulding me in a big way!!!!

Phew a BiG note its turned out 2 b...but what was i 2 do ...they r all such big maharathi's!!!! )))

thier grateful nd loving granddaughter

shalinie